vicious [full album] - sam t. watson lyrics
sam t. watson’s vicious
an album
the return
with my tail between my legs
it’s as good a place as any to start
so let me in your heart
cause i’m not lucky and i’m not nimble, i’m trying to be generous
so baby, don’t be vengeful
the magic we now hide is encrusted with lies. but it ain’t buying in to any alibi
and my gift now you’re gone
is that you’re free to be wrong
while my pregnant pause it goes on and on and on
sick of being pr*cked by you
i became a hedgehog too
but i grew tired of all the blood that we drew and so i turned
into a worm
“heidegger.”
i swallowed my pride, but i choked on my pain, realised
these creatures can’t co*exist though they’re fundamentally the same. after all we went through, my final foe seems to be you
just cause there’s things you never knew
don’t make the things you say true
the gift i get to bear
is the vacuumous cycle i wear
punctuated by hollow joys
and self*deprecating despair
chalk it all up
it would appear to be a loss
and sure as sh*t no one’s helping you off your cross
seems to me what i learn
as i lean into this perpetual turn, is that inertia, inertia eludes
and that this cycle
is in fact a spiral
dare we dream of ascending?
best believe that we’ll be reborn
and when that day comes
we pray that you won’t get burned
cause we take no pleasure
in putting spears in things that are spurned, even the ones that have done me wrong
maybe those tall tales won’t keep you warm
then again, i’m sure that old try*hard pop star will. and when he brings the children to the stage
tell me do you feel ashamed?
“maybe we’re the same.”
so criticise after dinner
low and behold, our villain lives on
he continues defiantly down that lonely road. and i’m sure you know
that he remembers it all
so our gift is this, it can die between us. f*ck it, i’ve the scars to prove it
golden
unbeknownst beginning
of what came to feel like a lifetime
of pursuit, possession and absence and loss, pursuit, possession and absence and loss and what was the cost?
long before solace and solitude
seeped from all of our skin
and all of our cracked screens
i’m sure you know, i know what i mean, do you know what i mean?
it was the time of technocolor violence
and needless batterings
apologies not given
and when at last they arrived, they went unanswered. hot cheeked, shameful gifts
gather dust in our throats
so much refuge, so much refuse
i can’t refute
learning from you
that love consumes, it devours like fuel…
it’s exigency, it’s exigency
it raged on through the years for you and me
it raged on through the years for people like you
infatuated, about to awaken
the boy*child
and his l*stful eyes
without discern or compromise
and lest we forget the swelling inside track pants
unable to open the throttle
and longing to be throttled
unable to arrive
attempts at tenderness those first times
the genesis of longing
she seeming that much older
and undoubtedly bolder
your massive offering, mere fodder. innocence abandoned two*fold
to her
lost on me
unable to perceive
that no one’s ever seen the same thing
and nothing adjusted could permit the pursuit
of so many’s greed
of so many men’s greed. poor self*imposed self
got infected along the way, somewhere along the way, so along the way
consumption, disillusioned
ideas of humanity get distorted incrementally. disaster seems impending
so will this path lead to empathy, eventually?
the great spectator
well some blood’s needing spilled
it might as well be mine
a heart incarcerated, for the longest time. for crimes
the crimes they weren’t mine
“he’s dead inside.”
at least that’s what we pretend
to what few friends that we have left, a special thanks, thanks to those, the ones that will endure my woes. and just worst of all
i just want to bleed
i want to hear you make me scream
“he’s a little too old for this disease.”
so serve us up some steaming peace
and i’ll spare you the pathetic, privileged unease
defaulting
part of the problem
offer no solving, just debauching. i could be
be your consultant
so just taunt me
and i’ll come running, running, honey
so don’t mind me
we pigs deserve to be under the bus
so you should string us up
and save yourself the b*tching. i’ll be quietly ignoring
the mould on my bones
and the blood that flows
from holes it shouldn’t. protesting innocence, while never sparing myself, a sin, or four
i could be your centrefold
and what’s more*
laugh at the paradox
so hard we pass on
but not before
fine tuning mine and your gimmicks
we’ll create indulgent narratives from all of our mistakes
and if that don’t work
well here’s a bigger frame;
it’s just a universal paradigm that’s got you
got you
no, there’s nothing wrong with us
spoilt little inmates
please say “please”, please, please, please
i swear to you
that this martyrdom can be a silent one
…
oops!
i just lost it
got caught up
in thoughts toxic, caustic
often erotic
trust me it’s hot sh*t. you had your chance, shame you lost it
post luddism
kept in at break
and left in the lurch
we self*facilitate and bitterness grows, leading him to commit
an act we oppose
yesterday’s tomorrows
busy doing nothing
the problem with not partaking, is you’re just left out
troubling company
to even to oneself
he’s a hermit now contemplating video essays. those old voices make me feel less lonely. with enough supplies
to last another 10,000 nights
in a barren world, on a cold night, his eyes remain wide
unable to get off
over long dead performers
in vintage high definition
his dog just up and died
along with his last semblance of connection. that night i dreamt i was a moron
in the morning he woke
to the same old inbox
cheap marketing tricks
from turn of the century businesses. decades defunct
after the algorithms had been set to master. not a whiff of humanity behind the mimicry
that was when the thoughts returned
remember the last time
you stuck your neck into cybersp*ce saw that you’d been erased
replaced
with degrading references and memes?
his search history suggests
he’d like to spend his time with
wild, kind, firm, licentious
women who read the classics, enjoy blood thirsty sports, animation for adults
the past is shared with his betters
but he’s kneeling on n0body’s shoulders he opted out so long ago
he’s unable to comprehend
that which he resents
the advanced plethora
of their orgiastic, formless, semi*sentient, digitalised primordial soup
flaccid and furious
icy, viscous legs of sweat
trickle like tears down his temples. trembling, now you want your mother. that long forgotten feeling
guilt, or was it shame?
who did i defecate?
was another stubborn organism inside, the pr*ckly little sh*ll
that crumbled under my stony boot?
so a reluctant, manic, impetuous trample ensues. late night into the woods. back to the scene
of an unseen crime
but when he arrived
not a trace insight
so for how long will this unabolished feeling be left behind?
song for others
as i dig in my heels
and the earth refuses to cease to turn. the dirt rides up around me
it compounds and surrounds me
and so, loneliness without peace well that’s just what precedes
my asinine belief
that something might need me
i’d be grateful for the responsibility
and that’s the state we’re in
as we mount one another
we’re muddied and we’re bloodied. enveloped in a self*centric, blue*hued mist
so i close my eyes tight
i push deep inside
last night you were someone else
meanwhile she’s sat at a bar
with a violent pr*ck i once knew
if he lays a finger on you
there’s no telling what i might do
so if that long streak of discharge
dare raises his hand
well i’ll tear that f*cker off
and stick it where the sun doesn’t land. where the sun doesn’t land
and i was to her, what you are to me and i will be to them, what they are to she
and a heart lied f*cking shattered. could you see it behind their eyes? cause your gift of incongruous passion just spared a life
for a time
a life for a time
so you needn’t give me nothing. don’t let me down at all
give me anyone
i don’t care, i don’t care anymore
after all the longing and the spoils, maybe i am wrong
but it seems we’re the only ones out here living without objective wrongs?
please tell me that i’m wrong
cause i’m so insecure
and i need some of your time
could you pretend that you need mine? would you pretend that you need mine?
well
all of your integrity has brought you here with me and what was it worth?
cause this feeling
is worse
than numb
we stuck
we stuck to our guns
but n0body joined us
and the opposing forces
shrugged and jogged on
so as you’re next to me
won’t you please, please, please
just turn 90 degrees?
and put me in your crosshairs
set me in your sights
cause our hearts and minds
are now inaccessible
completely to ourselves
and not just to ourselves but to anybody else
“oh we’re all inmates here.”
you humbly agreed, as we huddled together our smoking penitentiary. you told me once before you were a sad, sad soul
but nothing could quite have prepared me for
as you brought your lips to mine and whispered:
“we all carry a chaos.”
and hunched in a corner
we engulfed one another
and our smiles went on for miles and miles. and miles and miles and miles and miles and
cognisant ennui
well this age of rampant hubris, it knows no bounds
vacant motivation, with a vagrant’s disposition, and nothing left to lose
of course you want to help, but you don’t know how. the better i know, the less i want
from you all
cause i’m not needed now, i’m not sure i ever was. and of course i want to help. i just don’t know how
i want to write a film with a heroine
and a cast as diverse as experience
can it be unremarkable?
and let the narrative trickle through our fingers
if time erodes us all to anecdotes, must we remain strangers?
in our constant flux and contradictions, can we still give love freely?
and without truth or moral realism, can we formulate a social solicitude?
i’d sure like to do that with you
and i used
to wish myself mute
by not defending my point of view, i can better perceive you
and while the person inside, who isn’t me, grows. with what little i can know
and what little i can muster
i want you to know…
i’ll never dare create your consciousness for you. and i
won’t ask to be spared my conscience
i want to run a campaign of pacification, for us all to be one
or failing that
we can just be one each
i won’t give this gift hoping to receive
i’ll endeavour to love you all
name your price
there’s nothing cheaper than something free. stringing together exhausted clichés
archaic and porous, absorbing truth
[insert obscure reference], an idle occupation
the things i do, they appear the same, but i’ve changed
did i change you too?
howling into the vacuum
of everything that can be said
we just share deformed thoughts
it’s science at best
there are no words for the most important things. so you must remain
a captivated captive
so while you hear these dulcet lines, please know inside
held through my chains
i’m screaming
“arachnid c*nt.” “ambiguous pr*ck.” “ambivalent twit.” how contrary
the has*been that never was, with no metric for success, he is desperate to connect, he’s starving, starving starving for meaning
a lonely little white man, wading through his feelings
but you can’t tap into a zeitgeist that’s lacking any spirit
it’s just an empty vessel
now let me show you how smart i am
max stats
re*upload my shadow side
i left it in the hard drive, half*submerged in a u*bend
of a staff toilet, in the back of a toy store, in an abandoned shopping mall
our first point of call
i sent from myself
that which i hoped would never return. and now i need him back
he’s in and he’ll bleed, like radiators
all of your compassion, tenderness and jingles, from advertis*m*nts, from infancy
along with all of your adolescent mobile numbers
i’m back
and there’ll be no more vying for dominance from the voices in our head
you won’t be talking to our brain
behind my back
now he’s gone
and there’s nothing to get in our way
severe the memory gland
and gouge out that one eye that only sees the past. cause now we’ve surrendered
to the chipping away at each impending second with pleasure
and i’ll be beautiful
like staring into the top of a double helix
and what we propose is a f*ck*off loan
with no intention to pay back. leave no traces in our nest for sharks to catch
let’s visit the synthetic, home*brew, biotech scientist. holed up in that bunker
in the northwest
the one who can dismiss
your mendelian inheritance
he gets pervasive with your membranes, then he can edit away
and sure it’s dirty
but ethically
who gives a f*ck?
now the limbic system’s compromised
and so to work:
implement the crispr tech
now we can play freely
no catching the fantods
after a few risky subjects
my cells now regenerate, at a rate, equal to that of which they degrade
hence the moth’s olfaction, they’ve installed in my epithelium, can smell you
from thirty miles
so in spite of this tundric land
i’ll find you
and thanks to
the exceptional resonance
in my enhanced pheromones, you’ll be ready
he who’s left in the market, takes the market
admire me from a far
a fearful promise
now we can really have some fun
i have these upgraded mechanical lungs, pumping a restorative blood
impeccably through me
cardiovascular stamina
muscular atrophy
no longer a concern of mine
no vice can stop me
the sage will transcend, transform into immortality. the lion is on his way now bounding back into
a cruel childhood
a wink from his female feline eye, evades the male gaze
satiate my vanity
every action must be cinematic
every interaction
ostentatious
there will be no end to my wretchedness. and now what we need to know is
can you take it all?
what does your bandwidth hold?
he’s installed 360*degree rotating wrists and oscillating fingertips
rest assured, no work was done on it
the self*perpetuating kinetic dynamo placed within his naval
and the two overpowered glands promote endless emissions
that means we never need stop
though occasionally lifting you off, so as to taste
your moments of pleasure
and with the help of this new, modulating tongue
i’m the most articulate thing to whisper, between thighs
how late i am, how disgusting
it’s too late
you’ve mis*sold a myth. bought without receipt or refund
having mastered the man
he’d hoped to become
he went unseen
and he plummeted far from. catapulted to a familiar postcode. but then again
it’s not my place to scold
a coincidence?
a landing*strip?
with all this harmful air traffic. i no longer hear your wit
our tongues and thumbs
were put to poor use
branded by that experience. they question:
“does it hurt?”
“you f*cking bet it does.” now where is the dignity
in these crossed legs? can it be seen
in your clenched t**th? or a pension?
or a union?
or the abundance of substances that scupper my tax return?
the hateful screams, forgotten dreams, and all the wrongs we yearn to right
it’s just something that you wanted
once
but it was never really in the cards and now
wanders to ponder’s end
hold little wonder
i don’t want to
buy that temporal furniture again
unable to create stability
why did no one ever reward me? i never relied on any good fortune so why do they cry out rumpelstiltskin?
happier a song
or a syllable
though i can’t be daddy long legs. i won’t buckle
plaguing me with skulduggery
are they lining something up
or playing f*ckeries?
with a wound that just refuses to heal. please subside and die
with a quiet smile
he’d wanted to get to the heart of the matter, but for that he knew that he’d have to flatter
so forgiveness is
a silent voice
for us
i hope that you can forgive and trust that i can’t forgive you
that’s just my failure. now where is my dignity? where is my dinner?
the non*linear fraudulence paradox
is this a binary moment?
or a bowel movement?
in the time of no epoch
when a split second of incidental thought
is infinitely bigger
than anything you’ll experience
and 99.9%
of everything has nothing to do with you
where every action steeped in “the will to power”
the battle cry rings out: “dominion”
yet no one knows its abode
the non*linear fraudulence paradox permeates unknown
it’s thick
and there are no simple stories
so what could be diviner
than a spineless, defensive whiner? pluck us from our pedestals
wring us out
leave us on the vestibule
and let us laugh
until we starve
there are no simple stories
i’m not cat calling conspiracy
but given these views
i see no other way
no other way to dissipate the hate. “oh how green!” she proclaimed. but nothing was green
let’s decay
i asked too much from you all, unable to graze on your plateau. you were never an inlet
and why should you change?
what was i thinking?
we’d share the same dream?
order and chaos, cruelty and madness, but worst of all hope
mere flights of fancy
extant to human, exclusively
no good, no bad
no me, no you
just little bricks
we delegate meaning to
‘truths’ so fragile
they crumble with a firm, stern stare. it’s our speciality
it’s what you gave to me
i heard they put a price, a price on your life, perhaps that wasn’t right
your balance is not your value
but there’s something deep inside, it’s been there all your life
and it’s longing not to hide
it no longer has to hide
cause i believe in you
and you, and you, and you
and you and you and you and you and you and you and you and you
the face in the floor
there’s no tungsten lighting in here and not a slivered ray of daylight has l!cked the walls for weeks
after they drained my sinuses
the resulting matter
would have got half a night club high
a rolled*up note referencing an unresolved matter
from since which
fifteen years had gone by
the clipping record cl!cking
the crackle like a sigh
bemoaning the need for blood and death he was unable to deny
it read:
‘if you were the last c*cktail in the desert, i’d drink a pint of sand
i’d drink a pint of sand
but if i’d been the last man on earth, maybe we’d have made it work?’
we coasted along on
our thin salty spray of charm. we washed up alone
on the freezing cold sand
was it theft or inspiration
when the things from other mediums reared up in his media?
how meta, great subverter
with a face for the criminal justice system. you could never write a piece
like cartridge v or vii
with such a vapid, vapid condition
now let me try to remember the quote from that talk show and the great guest singer
it was around the time
when you came to know
the time when you came to know the face in the floor
you no longer wanted to be their mule or chaperone
so you went home to writhe
f*cked
and alone
and it went on and on
until you arrived at where you’ve come
ah, that’s what he said, i just remembered what he said:
“can’t you see?
we’re entertaining ourselves to death.” cried the world’s best lyricist
he refused to sing
unflinching
seems the irony was lost on him
it was only going to go
one of two ways
and you wouldn’t do it yourself
terrestrial pedestrian
with no adverts and no sponsors. staggering through and succumbing to your black tooth and all of your frustrations. were you washed out by the tide?
like an unfortunate boy in a sleeping bag. or did you wade in?
retching and p*ssing
retching and p*ssing into that mild night, you f*cking wretch. you f*cking wretch
“don’t you dare crack a smile.” said the scissors to the knife. as with one last great inhale, they finally cut his ties
a half*windsor and the cold tiles rose up to meet him
so all those pains you felt old boy, may you no longer feel them
volition bonafide
without fear of death
this life has lost its finesse
“i’m not sure you can call this that.” i want to wake
wake and not know
not know what each day holds
unable to dictate it’s ebbs and flows. with fear and hope in equal measure
maybe even i’ll catch something, compared to this, it would be a pleasure. that’s why i’m leaving for the alternative
the disillusionment of a body offered me a glimpse of the divine. i didn’t give a single solitary f*ck. the terror and the prospect
of a life lacking love
allowed me to embrace
pure subjectivity
and now i don’t know where i end and where they begin
in this primorgyal ooze
i foolishly and willingly, denied myself my womanhood and all the blues of the moon. that’s why i’m out here, that’s why i’m out here, that’s why i’m out here
out here looking for you
though we can barely know ourselves, though our hearts and minds remain secrets, my only choice
is to search
maybe i’ll even make
a friend or two
a little reconnaissance
i’ll print myself a little sh*ll
before i plug back into my supple meat. before i come to greet you
“i’ll stand in the doorway and say:
“i’m home.”
and you can pull me into your loving arms.”
i know that you’re afraid and surely vain
and i know i’m projecting. but i sure am going to listen. when we truly meet
i’ll see you, i promise
if you could be half of what i need, you’d be more than i’ve ever wanted. i’d be spoilt, i’ll spoil you
i won’t spoil this
just please
please don’t give me what i deserve
star night supermarket and video*
i’ll be here, waiting
so if you want to, you can find me
settled in at zero
all debts paid to sorrow. but you only get it back, so you can give it away
who could you actually trust
if we really knew each other’s thoughts? have you been given the chance to choose, choose if you want to embrace this truth?
i’d never ask you
to put it all on the table
not as if
all love’s been created equal
“in our dream’s dreams we dream of you.”
i want to give to you
what you have gifted me
it needn’t be a foil
as we all pirouette off our mortal coils…
i’ll be here, waiting
so if you want to, you can find me
i’ll be here
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