ms. brown - s.t.i.c.s lyrics
she said…
“i throw pebble stones at the water when i take walks by the shore…
and it’s not to make them bounce of the surface for others to see, no
i just, like to watch them sink in. i like to watch the rings spread and expand proud and confidently. as if they have this really important message to carry to the rest world. and then see it get washed away from existence by the all*dominating waves
reminding the rings about the survival of the fittest
sometimes i throw rocks like curve b*lls, imagining how they would drill through the bottom of the sea, through tectonic plates, upper mantle, lower mantle not losing pace before finally reaching the inner core
and in my mind? i’ve been there
because i recognize the extreme sense of tranquility…
it is the only place where one can find peace beyond comparison…
because there, there simply is no comparison…
it is where solitude comes to life in its most admirable form
sometimes…
sometimes i just i wish i could be that rock.”
she paused
and i followed her lead as she slowly started stepping into the water
she had her eyes fixed on the horizon as if searching for something, something she knew would come. something as if bound by the laws of nature to show itself to reveal itself
and i foolishly thought we were a waiting the sunset * to change the current mellow topic of conversation
i noticed though that something was wrong when she forced herself to look down into the water again, without anymore rocks in her hand
…i saw tears running down her cheeks
she said
“it’s been two years, too long, since i last saw me, cause when i see me, i see surgery, doctor said i’ll make you beautiful just believe, but how could he possibly achieve perfect imperfections?
because that * was me, and now, now i’m left with something that my body has embraced but my heart and soul repels so deeply…”
she looked at me with her brown watery eyes, expecting a sign of a response of compassion, of empathy, a hug, a squeeze of the hand, a kiss perhaps? but all i could do was just…stare right through her
trying to comprehend what exactly had just happened…
i admit, heh i lost track…
as i finally caught up with time again, and my eyes caught hers, i remember, i stuttered
* “wauw.. that is some…that is some crazy… i mean…i, i… feel you”
she looked at me with amazement, as if i had not listened to anything of what she just said…as if the last person on earth who had the chance to save her, just abandoned all hope
“you feel me? you of all people!? you don’t get it! none of you get it”
you can’t feel me! all you feel is the bolts in my replaced jawbone at best, the silicone filling of my lips when we kiss, the implants in my breast * but you can’t ever feel me!
you’ve never really seen me
all you see is social reconstruction of the so*called ideal me, but you have never really seen me
you see… i don’t exist…i don’t know who or where i am anymore…except that i’m out here…and i have no more rocks in my hands…so i’m waiting for the tide…to bring me…home…”
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