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lord of the rings recap rap - ryan tellez lyrics

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check this long postcard for a country
that’s more new zealand than sheep playing rugby
it’s an epic from tolkien’s pages
an awesome tale of bromance for the ages

in the shire, it’s a pleasant place
with meadows and trees and flowers and
scary face!!

run from the nazgul and run into strider
who’s actually aragorn and loves liv tyler

take it up to rivendell, where they meet agent smith
“my sword!”
“my bow!”
“my axe!”
fellowship!

moria, cave trolls, holy sh-t balrog!
“you shall not p-ss!” (later, gandalf)

visit with galadriel, where everybody’s safe
visions in the water and
even more scary face!!

meanwhile saruman just kinda chills
and of course sean bean goes and gets himself k!lled
power trio leaves to throw down
frodo saves sam, so he won’t drown

that’s what these movies are all about
just a bunch of bros, just bro-in’ out

lord of the rings
it is all about bros helping bros
tell your bros “come and sing”
they will not be opposed they’re your bros

the fellowship is h-lla broke
frodo and sam on a lonely road
’til they meet a new bro with a split perspective
he wants to help, but he wants “the precious”

marching through the forest then a flash of light
is it saruman? no!
it’s friggin gandalf the white!

in rohan, wormtail’s up to somethin’
kick his -ss, free king benjamin b-tton

gotta leave the city so they don’t get slaughtered
playa aragorn flirts with theoden’s daughter
holly sh-t! orcs on wargs attack and then
aragorn dies
jk aragorn’s back!

pippin and merry are also there, too
bro-ing out in the forest with “i am groot”
but back to helm’s deep, where soldiers gettin’ rattled
uruk hai march, cryin’ out for a battle

arrows fly, k!ll counts, rain keeps pourin’ down
orcs ram the door, no one’s safe or sound
’til they turn around, gandalf’s back in town
’cause bros don’t ever let a bro down!

lord of the rings
it is bros being bros, helping bros
girls are welcome, too
well of course they are bros, we’re all bros

fellowship bros head to isengard
saruman trolls but he dies hard
faramir wounded and his father in turn
lights a pyre, catches fire, takes a dive, sick burn?

pelennor fields, fighting orcs and the witch king
legolas and gimli keep their friendly compet-tion
get a clutch -ssist from ghosthuntin’ aragorn
“i am no man”
victory at pelennor

smeagol leads the hobbits to a spider, whoa
frodo wrapped but sam becomes a fighter, bro
guts it with sting, and then frodo gets taken
but n0body’s safe while rudy’s rampaging

mount doom, almost there, frodo gets p–ped
what’s sam gonna do?
“i can carry you”

“surprise b-tches!”
bite digit! tables almost turn
gollum and the ring in the lava, sick burn?

mordor goes t-ts up, sauron collapses
giant eagle save (really?)
time elapses

frodo wakes up, bros scream and shout
bouncing on the bed just bro-in’ out

but we’re not done yet
aragorn’s king now
liv tyler’s fine, they immediately make out
bro hugs all around, hobbits don’t bow down
end it on zoom out, how you like your bros now?

(oh) we’re back in the shire
hobbits drink away the events that transpired
sam meets a girl and they quickly have a wedding
flowers and smiles that’s gotta be the ending

(guess not)

back in frodo’s nook
suppose he needs to wrap up writing the book
and that’s gotta be it

(ah, hold on, no)

frodo’s gotta leave again on a boat
and that’s the end!

(wait!)

we’re back in the shire?
sam’s got a family, cool man i’m tired
close up on the big -ss yellow door and
(… oh, thank god!)

- ryan tellez lyrics

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