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everyone's a little bit racist - robert lopez & jeff marx lyrics

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[princeton]
say, kate, can i ask you a question?

[kate]
sure

[princeton]
well, you know trekkie monster upstairs?

[kate]
uh huh

[princeton]
well, he’s trekkie monster, and you’re kate monster

[kate]
right

[princeton]
you’re both monsters

[kate]
yeah

[princeton]
are you two related?

[kate]
what? princeton! i’m surprised at you! i find that racist

[princeton]
oh, well, i’m sorry, i was just asking

[kate]
well, it’s a touchy subject
no, not all monsters are related
what are you trying say, huh?
that we all look the same to you?
huh, huh, huh?

[princeton]
no, no, no, oh, not at all
i’m sorry, i guess that was a little racist

[kate]
i should say so
you should be much more careful
when you’re talking about the sensitive subject of race

[princeton]
well, look who’s talking!

[kate]
what do you mean?

[princeton]
what about that special monster school you told me about?

[kate]
what about it?

[princeton]
could someone like me go there?

[kate]
no, we don’t want people like you

[princeton]
ha ha ha ha ha, you see?
you’re a little bit racist

[kate]
well, you’re a little bit too

[princeton]
i guess we’re both a little bit racist

[kate]
admitting it is not an easy thing to do

[princeton]
but i guess it’s true

[kate]
between me and you

[both]
i think everyone’s a little bit racist sometimes
doesn’t mean we go around committing hate crimes
look around and you will find
no one’s really color blind
maybe it’s a fact we all should face
everyone makes judgments based on race

[princeton]
no, not big judgments, like who to hire
or who to buy a newspaper from

[kate]
no

[princeton]
no, just little judgments like thinking that mexican
busboys should learn to speak godd-mn english

[kate]
right!

[both]
everyone’s a little bit racist today
so, everyone’s a little bit racist, okay
ethnic jokes might be uncouth
but you laugh because they’re based on truth
don’t take them as personal attacks
everyone enjoys them, so relax

[princeton]
all right, stop me if you’ve heard this one

[kate]
okay!

[princeton]
alright there’s a plane going down
and there’s only one parachute
and there’s a rabbi, a priest

[kate]
and a black guy!

[gary]
whatchoo talkin’ ’bout kate?

[kate]
uh….

[gary]
you were telling a black joke

[princeton]
well, sure, gary, but lots of people tell black jokes

[gary]
i don’t!

[princeton]
well, of course you don’t—you’re black
but i bet you tell polack jokes, right?

[gary]
well, sure i do, those stupid polacks, ha ha ha

[princeton]
now, don’t you think that’s a little racist?

[gary]
well, d-mn, i guess you’re right

[kate]
you’re a little bit racist

[gary]
well, you’re a little bit too

[princeton]
we’re all a little bit racist!

[gary]
i think that i would have to agree with you

[kate & princeton]
we’re glad you do

[gary]
it’s sad but true

[all]
everyone’s a little bit racist, all right
all right
all right
all right

[gary]
bigotry has never been
exclusively white

[all]
if we all could just admit
that we are racist a little bit
even though we all know that it’s wrong
maybe it would help us get along

[princeton]
oh, christ, do i feel good?

[gary]
now there was a fine upstanding black man

[kate & princeton]
who?

[gary]
jesus christ

[kate]
but, gary, jesus was white

[gary]
no, jesus was black

[kate]
no, jesus was white

[gary]
no, i’m pretty sure that jesus was black

[princeton]
guys, guys, jesus was jewish

[all]
*laughter*

[brian]
hey guys, what are you laughing about?

[gary]
racism

[brian]
cool

[christmas eve]
brian, come back here
you take out lecycuraburs

[princeton]
what’s that mean?

[brian]
um, recyclables

[kate, princeton and gary]
*laughter*

[brian]
hey, don’t laugh at her
how many languages do you speak?

[kate]
oh, come off it, brian
everyone’s a little bit racist

[brian]
i’m not

[princeton]
oh no?

[brian]
nope
how many oriental wives
have you got?

[christmas eve]
what? brian

[princeton]
brian, buddy, where you been?
the term is asian-american

[christmas eve]
i know you are no intending to be
but calling me oriental—offensive to me

[brian]
i’m sorry, honey, i love you

[christmas eve]
and i love you

[brian]
but you’re racist, too

[christmas eve]
yes, i know

the jews have all the money
and the whites have all the power
and i’m always in taxi cab
with driver who no shower

[kate]
me too

[princeton and possibly brian]
me too

[gary]
i can’t even get a taxi!

[all]
everyone’s a little bit racist, it’s true
but everyone is just about as racist as you
if we all could just admit that we are racist a little bit
and everyone stopped being so p.c
maybe we could live in harmony

[christmas eve]
evlyone’s a ritter bit lacist

- robert lopez jeff marx lyrics

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