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god laughs - rob apollo lyrics

[intro]
man make plans god laughs
man make plans god laughs
man make plans
man make plans god laughs

[monologue]
showed up at your house i didn’t mean to
why you live across the bar that i go to
i just went to get a drink not to think
but i saw your car outside now i’m on the brink
[bridge]
wait let me explain
the context for this is very important
to understand what’s going on here
look, look

[verse 1]
almost 4 years we fought the good fight
i was always full of shame that i couldn’t love right
didn’t realize i was an addict or about ocd or the fact that i had it
i’ll never forget the night we split
march 23 hardest sh*t i ever did
i was gonna heal what i told you thru my tears
first promise that i kept in yеars
now i’m a s*x addict 12 stepper lеarned i’m codependent
told my sponsor i would wait to reach out to you again
3 months since we talked i know i’m not ready
but my anxiety is screaming to jus send a text
object of my obsession
my ocd brain hold thangs it won’t let you go away
i’m talkin 9 hours a day, i feel insane
i feel pain, i feel terrified of everything that you mean to me
and i feel jealous of who you could be with
and if you’d say you love me or if you’d really mean it
or if we could figure out the things that we couldn’t figure out in the past when we was both fightin’ our own demons
so anyway that’s the context
another friday night, i’m just goin the bar
but i’m walking up and i see this very specific car
staring at the car and i realize that it’s yours
cause the stickers match the dealership that you leased it from
and the month on the plate match your birthday
f*ck, body shutdown and i mean that in the worst way
this the worst pain
i’m strong enough to not text you
but i’m not strong enough to not walk in this bar and have a conversation sayin how much i still love you
and that i never wanna put anyone above you
and that i wanna take back all the ways i was selfish
and that thinkin’ of you movin’ on’s beyond h*llish
and that i’m sorry my addiction ruined everything we built
and some days i’m still crippled by the guilt
so anyways why i go in the bar and you’re not even f*cking inside
confused, mind freakin’ out, shakin
i walk across the street to smoke a square to calm down
starin’ at this house behind me as i sit down
that’s when i see this cat in the window
and i realized it’s your cat in the window
and i realized i’m standing in your front yard
[monologue 2]
yo after we split they f*ckin’ moved
like i had no idea that that’s where they lived
like why do you live across from the f*ckin’ bar?

[verse 2]
i did everything i could to leave where it’s left
but now here i am 10 feet from your front steps
i feel like a crazy n*gga, frozen, full stop
maybe i should just knock
no that’s literally crazy
and people are probably lookin’ at me already like what’s wrong with this n*gga
so i called my best friend in the program and said uh i’m outside *censored* house right now by mistake
he said that’s insane, you should probably walk away
allegory for the relationship, maybe
but i couldn’t let go of this love if you paid me
but i can let go of this very strange moment
put my cigarette in the ground walk back to my car
eyes up full moon not a single star
i drove away tonight
but i don’t know how to stop this fight
and i don’t know if i wanna stop this fight
everything external say to let you go
but everything inside says that you’re my bride
always told you you will always be my wife
i will love you as long as i’m still alive

- rob apollo lyrics

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