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i hate musicals - rita mckenzie lyrics

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[lita encore]
honey, if i want to the theater
i go see a play
with no singing and dancing
to get in the way
theatre is language
and that should be all
music belongs at the carnegie hall

not a reason on earth
as far as i know
to write, mount, and open
a musical show

[lita, spoken]
honey, i’ve been a theater critic for a hundred years, and it’s always the same!

[lita]
the story is moving
chock*full of suspense
the plot takes a twist
the mood is intense
then someone sings a song like this!
it doesn’t make sense
plеase, i hate musicals!
gangs don’t look tough
when thеy twirl and they snap
my gorge starts to rise
if a nun starts to tap
and wouldn’t you just love
to slap maria von trapp?

[lita, spoken]
i’ll tell you how to solve a problem like maria: “hey rolf, she’s over there!”

[lita]
i hate musicals!
the show may be a trainwreck
and unworthy of praise
still they’re sellin’ t*shirts with their logos ablaze
producers don’t care when a musical’s floppin’
as long as everybody’s drinkin’ and shoppin’

i hate the genre
it’s all second rate
when forced to see this drek
i always come late
from overture to curtain call
it all turns me off
i sit there and cough
the whole night long
’cause i hate musicals
but not as much as
i hate this song!

- rita mckenzie lyrics

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