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i hate musicals (1994) - rita mckenzie lyrics

[lita encore]
honey, if i want to see theater
i’ll go see a play
with no singing and dancing
to get in the way
theatre is language
and that should be all
music belongs at the carnegie hall

not a reason on earth
as far as i know
to write, mount, and open
a musical show

[lita, spoken]
honey, i’ve been a theater critic
for a hundred years
and it’s always the same!

[lita]
the story is moving
chock*full of suspense
the plot takes a twist
the mood is intense
then someone sings a song like this!
it doesn’t make sense
puh*leeze, i hatе musicals!
i hate the new shows
thеy’re nothing but sets
i miss the von trapp kids
the sharks and the jets
unplug those keyboards
give me clarinets
miss otis says with no regrets
i hate musicals

there doesn’t seem to be a shred
of anything new
the hottest shows were all composed
by late sixty*two
now if you want to create a sensation
use a hollywood star
and amplification

and whether the show is a hit or a flop
they sell t*shirts and caps with
their logos on top
so even though you hate she show
at least you can shop
one size fits all
at a musical

i hate the genre it’s all second*rate
when forced to see this dreck
i always come late
from overture to curtain call
it all turns me off
i sit there and cough
the whole night long
’cause i hate musicals
but not as much as i hate this song
how i hated “phantom”
down to each candelabra
i took the book along
and read through “les miserables”
when it comes to subtlety
the brits fall a hair short
if i want helicopters
i’ll go to the airport

so keep your “chorus lines”
of “gypsys” and “mames
i’d rather see a fl!ck
or bowl a few frames
no matter who is starring
i’m never enticed
it’s way overpriced and i won’t pay

’cause i hate musicals
but i fear they’re here to stay
yes! i hate musicals
but not as much as i hate
ballet

- rita mckenzie lyrics

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