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scene of professors - richard rodgers and oscar hammerstein ii lyrics

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scene: a composite of classrooms

(five professors stand each behind his own lecturn, spouting his respective subject, in competition with joe’s thoughts.)

[chemistry professor]
an acid is mon0basic, dibasic, or tribasic, according to the number of replaceable hydrogen atoms. thus hno3 is mon0basic, h2so4 is dibasic, h3po2 is tribasic…

[greek professor]
…book two of the odyssey, where we left off yesterday. mr. taylor?

(joe does not hear because jennie and her last letter glide through his thoughts.)

[jennie]
dear joe: hazel and bob have the cutest white stucco house! they’rе living together therе like two lovebirds! the lucky bums…

[greek professor]
mr. taylor!

(joe awakens and finds his place.)

[joe]
“thus did telemachus invoke zeus. and the all powerful answering his prayer, sent forth two eagles from his mountain. swift as the wind of a storm they flew * wing tip to wing…”

(jennie glides across stage. joe’s lips continue to move, but he is drowned out by the singing of the ensemble.)

[ensemble]
she is never away
from her home in your heart
in your heart, every day
she is playing her part
[biology professor]
all living matter proceeds from pre*existing living matter. the new form takes on the character of that from which it came…

(again, joe’s mind is on a new letter.)

[jennie]
hazel is going to have a baby! how i envy her…

that’s all the news. fondly, jenny

[guest lecturer]
the aim of philosopher is to exhibit the universe as a rational system in the harmony of its part

[jennie]
dear joe: popper is taking me to europe! he wants me to meet new friends

[ensemble]
new friends?! get that, joe?
her father wants her to find a husband!

[member of ensemble]
some lousy n0bleman, perhaps!

[chemistry professor]
a molecule is the smallest part of a substance which can exist… alone…
[joe]
alone…

[ensemble]
you’ll never get her back!
think of the men she’ll meet on the steamer!
and when she gets to england * and paris!

[jennie]
(dancing)
i met a charming boy named bertram woolhaven!

[ensemble]
she wants to get married!
she’s tired of waiting for you!

[joe]
d*mn her! d*mn her!

[jennie]
bertram’s father is in the coal and lumber business, too

[ensemble]
that’s the end, joe!
an alliance between two big lumber families!
it’s the handwriting on the wall!
[english professor]
(reading keats’s “eve of st. agnes”)
“unclasps her warmed jewels one by one;
loosens her fragrant bodice…

(charlie sits back in his seat, doing some imagining of his own. two girls enter his dream and act out the poem…)

“…by degrees
her rich attire creeps rustling to her knees
half*hidden like a mermaid in seaweed
pensive awhile, she dreams awake, and sees
in fancy, fair st. agnes in her bed
but dares not look behind
or all the charm is fled.”

[philosophy professor]
the pragmatic philosopher searches for the hypothesis which can best serve him

[ensemble]
philosophy, h*ll! you’ll never drive her out of your mind!

in your heart, every day
she is playing her part

[jennie]
bertram’s teaching me to swim. we’re learning a new stroke

[ensemble]
she is never away
and you’ll never be free

[philosophy professor]
the greek philosophers finally rebelled against fatalism. we need not be dominated, they said!

[ensemble]
(with some solos)
we need not submit, joe!
we need not be dominated!
to h*ll with her!
lots of good fish in the sea!

[joe]
(to charlie, with sudden determination)
charlie, did you say that girlfriend of yours had a sister?

[charlie]
i’ll say she has!

[joe]
then get her! i’m on the loose!

- richard rodgers and oscar hammerstein ii lyrics

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