creepy doll / death metal crash pit (remix) - regular show lyrics
(episode begin in pops’ room)
mordecai: alright! just a few more boxes to go
pops: oh, wonderful. i can’t thank you enough for helping me clean up my room. it’s just so hard to know what to keep and what to throw away
mordecai: yeah, but don’t worry, pops. we’ll be honest with you. if it’s cool, keep it. if it’s lame, throw it away
rigby: oh, yeah! last box! what’s it gonna be?
(brings the box over to mordecai and pops and puts it down. the box opens, and a creepy doll is revealed.)
mordecai: uh…
rigby: ew
pops: (laughs) look who it is! (carries the doll and shake its) mordecai and rigby, this is my old childhood friend, percy. pretty cool, eh?
(holds the doll out towards them)
rigby: oh, dude
mordecai: no. not cool, pops
pops: oh…but no, he is cool. he was the most sophisticated doll in his day with over 250 phrases stored inside. why, you never know what he is going to say next!
(he pulls the string on percy’s back)
percy: i’m gonna draw on your face
(pops starts to laugh)
rigby: that’s really creepy, pops
pops: creepy? what are you talking about? percy is not at all creepy. (
he pulls the string on percy’s back again)
percy: seriously. i’m gonna draw on your face
pops: hahahaha lalalala!
mordecai: pops! pops! look, you’ve gotta get rid of that thing
pops: what? are you sure?
rigby: pops, you’re a grown man. it’s just not cool play with dolls
pops: oh, out with the old, and in with the new, eh?
(he laughs, and mordecai and rigby join in)
(a t-tle card says “the next day,” and it shows pops on the swings. mordecai and rigby come running over.)
rigby: hey pops, we just found a h-rnets nest! want to go huck rocks at it?
(pops turns around to reveal that his face has been drawn on)
mordecai and rigby: ahhh!
mordecai: ah! pops, what happened?
pops: percy and i were just having a playdate
rigby: why’d you draw all over your face?
pops: i didn’t, percy did it. isn’t he a riot?
mordecai: pops, we told you it wasn’t cool to play with dolls. weren’t you gonna throw him away?
pops: oh yes, i tried, but it didn’t work
mordecai: (puts a hand to his head) look, we’ll do it for you
rigby: yeah, trust us. this is for your own good, pops
pops: oh, okay
mordecai: don’t worry, pops. we’ll take good care of him
(throws percy in the trash)
(we now go back to the park where mordecai and rigby are playing a video game. they suddenly then hear a noise.)
mordecai (continued): dude, what was that?
rigby: uh, i don’t know. probably pops bummed out that we threw away his doll or something
(we hear the same noise)
mordecai: we better go check on him
(mordecai and rigby go upstairs to pops’s room. mordecai tries to open the door, only to find that it is locked. he begins to knock on the door.)
mordecai (continued): pops? huh? (looks at rigby with a worried expression) dude, it’s locked
(we hear pops whinning from inside his room)
rigby: who’s pops talking to?
mordecai: (looks through pops’s peep-hole) what the–?
pops: here, percy; have some tea
percy: have some tea? (flips the table) what’s wrong with you! i don’t want your tea, i want to draw on your face. (picks up a black marker, and is about to draw on pops’ face)
pops: uh…
mordecai: dude, we gotta help pops! (tries to break the door and the door finally open)
rigby: stop! (percy quickly turn and tries to draw on rigby’s face) mordecai, get this psycho off me!
mordecai: (knocks percy with a bat) get off!
percy: you’re all gonna be drawn on! (he leaves)
mordecai: pops, are you alright?
pops: yes, i’m fine
rigby: dude, what’ll we do about that thing?
mordecai: we have to stop that thing
(the trio goes to the underground. mordecai is holding a bat. they walk around to find percy.)
percy: draw… draw… (sees a shovel and take it)
mordecai: did you hear that? (turns around and lose concsiousness after hit by percy)
rigby: mordecai! (hit by percy)
percy: (dropped the shovel) pops, bring me the marker so i can draw on their faces
pops: no
percy: what? bring me the marker!
pops: i said no! its not cool for a grown man to have dolls. you have to go away now, percy
percy: (a pause) give me that marker!
pops: no! (pops kicks percy in slowmotion)
percy: noooooo!!! (lands on fire)
pops: mordecai, rigby, are you alright?
m&r: (regain consciousness) uh… yeah
pops: oh, thank goodness
(percy gets out from the fire)
mordecai, rigby, and pops: aah!
mordecai: see, pops. we told you dolls aren’t cool
(scene cuts to the house)
pops: the end
mordecai: uh…. i guess that was kinda scary
pops: yes, because of the doll’s un-natural desire to mark on things
muscle man: ugh, lame. i thought you guys said these stories were gonna be scary. thanks for wasting our time. c’mon, fives, let’s bail. (muscle man and hfg leave them)
mordecai: so, seriously, can we stop inviting them to stuff?
death metal crash pit
(episode begins with muscle man and hi five ghost walking out of the house and into the fog outside of the house)
muscle man: ugh! stupid fog! it’s making it to where i don’t know where i am
(muscle man trips on a rock)
muscle man: ugh! what is this even doing here?
(throws the rock, and it hits an object)
muscle man: oh no, our trailer!
(muscle man and hi five ghost run over to what they think is their trailer, but notice it’s actually an rv.)
muscle man: hey, that’s not our trailer. it’s just a big pile of car barf. [gasp]! are you thinkin’ what i’m thinkin’?
hi five ghost: crash pit?
muscle man: crash pit!
‘(2 weeks earlier)’
(muscle man drops a cinder block on the gas pedal of a car, then jumps out. it sends the car into the crashpit. the crash pit is a pit in the ground, that when a big group of people get together, they crash cars into the pit. hi five ghost drives a golfcart to pick up muscle man just in time.)
muscle man: step on it!
muscle man, hi five ghost, and the group of people: crash pit! crash pit! crash pit! crash pit!
(back to the present)
muscle man and hi five ghost: ha ha ha!
muscle man: that was so awesome! oh man, we gotta launch this piece into the crash pit. it would be unpatriotic not to
(muscle man tries to open it)
muscle man: aw, what? it won’t open! ugh! ugh! ugh!
(it opens, and a greenish fog comes out)
hi five ghost: what was that?
muscle man: probably just the wind. c’mon, let’s drive this baby into the crash pit!
(they run inside, and muscle man finds the keys behind the left visor.)
muscle man: aw, yeah, every time!
‘(they start it up)’
hi five ghost: yeah!
muscle man: savage! savage! savage! savage! savage! savage! savage! savage!
(muscle man calls scottie)
muscle man: yo, scot-tie! get everyone together; we found an rv and it’s going into the crash pit!
scottie: yeah, man, i’ll go find some people
muscle man: let’s do this, fives!
(they start going, however, the windshield wipers come on.)
muscle man: huh?
(the radio turns on and tunes itself.)
muscle man: aw, what?
‘(green glowing fog comes out of the air vents’)
muscle man: huh?
(the fog surrounds hi five ghost)
muscle man: fives!
hi five ghost: muscle man?
muscle man: i gotcha, bro!
(the fog turns into ghosts, and grabs muscle man and hi five ghost)
muscle man: aw, what? i can’t move!
(the ghost are the dead band skull punch, who own the rv)
herold (lead singer): ugghh!!
nigel (b-ss player): agghh!!
archie (drummer): agghh!!
muscle man: huh? what’s going on? who are you guys?
herold: we’re skull punch! and you’re the punchie green geezer that’s trying to steal our caravan!
muscle man: no, we’re not stealing it, we’re just gonna drive it into the crash pit!
herold: oh, so you wanna drive our band’s final resting place into the crash pit, eh? well, how ’bout we give you a hand!
‘(they drive off)’
muscle man: uggghh… ehh! ya know who else likes to get headb-tted in the face?
nigel: what?
muscle man: my mom!
‘(muscle man head b-tts him in the face, and knocks him down)’
nigel: agh!
muscle man: ooagh! fives!
‘(muscle man runs up to get hi five ghost, but herold punches him in the face)’
muscle man: eeggh!
‘(muscle man is knocked backwards into nigel’s grasp.)’
nigel: ‘ello again!
muscle man: look, we’re sorry we took your rv! if you let us go, we’ll never bother you again, i swear!
herold: it’s too late! you wanted the rv to go into the crash pit, looks like you two just got yourselves some front row seats
muscle man: agh! wait, please, you can’t do it yet!
herold: why not?
muscle man: because you always play a show first, and if we don’t, everybody’s gonna think we’re lame!
‘(they stop the rv just in time.)’
herold: well, we wouldn’t want them to think we’re lame, now, would we?
‘(they get ready to play “devastation nation.”)’
archie: one, two, three!
herold: “have you ever seen a cat walking down that street?
and you said hey!
that’s a cat, not a rat, or a bat, or a hat, or a pat, or a fat, or a mat
have you seen a goat?-”
scottie: yeah, i’ve seen a goat, i wanna see you guys crash your rv into the-
(music starts again.)
herold: “devastation naaaaaaattiooooon!!!”
crowd: booo!
muscle man: help! this music sucks! aghegh!
(muscle man tries to get out, but can’t.)
herold: “…or a goat, or a boat, or a coat, or a boat, or a note, or a toad, or an oat…”
muscle man: aghegh! it won’t open!
(he finds a cinder block.)
herold: “devastation nation!”
muscle man: oooagh!
‘(muscle man throws the cinder block onto the gas pedal.)
herold: “devastation nation!”
(the rv goes into the pit)
herold: (groaning) “…or a bat, or a hat…”
(their rv falls on top of them. the band dies…again and there is a big explosion. muscle man floats up with hi five ghost as a ghost.)
muscle man: finally! i never thought it was gonna end. hey wait. aw man, am i dead?
hi five ghost: yeah
muscle man: aww… best crash pit ever!
(they hi five)
muscle man: hooah!
(scene goes back to pops’ house where the others are telling scary stories.)
muscle man: the end! and that’s how you tell a story babies! hahaha!
rigby: dude! that wasn’t any better than the doll story
muscle man: oh so you think you can do better? huh? you think you can do better? is that it? is that what you think?
rigby: get off of me!
muscle man: ahaha! and that’s how you get in someone’s face!
(end of death metal crash pit.)
in the house
(mordecai is trick-or-treating)
(mordecai rings a doorbell; a lady opens the door, holding a bowl of candy)
candy giver: oh, would you look at that. what are your kiddies supposed to be?
mordecai: ghosts. they’re ghosts
candy giver: oh, well. i know, but i was just asking
mordecai: well, they don’t talk much. they’re shy
candy giver: oh. mmm-hmm. (serves candy to five fake children) well, here you go, kids. happy halloween!
mordecai: what do we say?
fake children: trick-or-treat! trick-or-treat! (voices get higher and faster) trick-or-treat! (rapidly) trick-or-treat!
mordecai: ugh. (tries to turn off voices)
candy giver: hey, wait a second. are those even kids in those costumes? (mordecai runs away with the fake children) ugh! unbelievable! (rigby jumps out of the bushes, dressed as a robber) aah!
rigby: gimme candy, lady!
candy giver: aaaaaahhhhh!!!! (runs inside the house and shuts door)
rigby: oh, man! ugh! (walks with mordecai) man, this is lame! we’ve been out here for hours and i hardly have any candy to show for it
mordecai: yeah. well, i told you jumping out of the bushes wasn’t a good idea
rigby: i’m an old, tiny robber, that’s what i do. come on, you gotta come in to the part
mordecai: yeah, well you should’ve committed to dressing up as a dad, like me, because you would have got five times of candy
rigby: i’m not dressing up like a dad. it’s lame
mordecai: yeah, well, i’m just saying
rigby: yeah, well, what’s the point of dressing up if you’re not gonna dress up to look cool?
mordecai: dude, it’s to get candy. the point of dressing up is to get a boatload of candy, which i did, so i’m calling it a night. (takes out white sheet, revealing a balloon; then it floats away)
rigby: what?! oh, come on, man! just one more house
mordecai: fine. whatever, dude. just make it quick. (mordecai and rigby see a haunted house; rigby runs to the door)
rigby: (laughs evilly; bangs handle against door) trick-or-treat! (porch light shuts off) oh, come on, man! trick-or-treat! (bangs handle against the door) i said trick-or-treat!! (knocks door) aaaaahhh!!!!!! (walks to mordecai) did you see that?
mordecai: yeah, they’re not home. let’s go
rigby: no, they’re obviously home and can’t be bothered to give out some candy. (pulls out a dozen eggs from farmtown out of his his money sack) they’re gonna pay
mordecai: dude, come on. don’t egg the guy’s house. that’s not cool
rigby: why not? there aren’t any cops around. (police officer opproaches)
police officer: hey, what are you doing with those eggs? you better not be egging houses, ’cause that’s illegal
rigby: no, no, i was just having a snack
police officer: you’re having raw eggs for a snack….. on halloween?
rigby: yeah. (chuckles nerviously; eats a raw egg) mmm-mmm. (mordecai slaps his forehead)
mordecai: ugh! i don’t believe this
police officer: ugh! i don’t understand kids these days. (drives away)
mordecai: come on, dude. let’s just get out of here. you heard what the cop said
rigby: no way. (wipes egg off of his mouth) i ate a raw egg. this guy’s gonna pay
mordecai: rigby. (slaps forehead)
rigby: just relax, man. (walks toward the house with the eggs)
mordecai: (sighs; wind gusts) uh, i think we should just go, man
rigby: hmm, hmm. (throws eggs at the person’s house; walks to mordecai) alright, let’s roll. (winds gusts; door opens, revealing a wizard; wizard moves toward rigby)
halloween wizard: you. (points to rigby) you’re going to pay for that. (rips off a small piece of rigby’s fur; laughs evilly then lightning is shown; mordecai and rigby scream; halloween wizard laughs evilly then scares rigby; rigby screams)
(scene cuts to pops’ house)
rigby: aaaaaaaahhhhh!!!!
skips: that’s it?
benson: i’m going back to work. (benson and skips walk away)
rigby: but, it was really scary
benson: and you’re paying for those eggs
mordecai: tough crowd
rigby: ugh! what am i gonna do? that wizard is coming to get me
mordecai: dude, no one is coming to get you. that guy was just some old creep dressed up for halloween
rigby: no way, man. that guy used his magic on me. (points to mordecai) i can feel it. why did you let me egg that house? (mordecai shows a spider ring)
mordecai: i’ll trade you this spider ring for a candy bar. (the halloween wizard’s shadow p-sses by mordecai and rigby)
rigby: (gasp) what was that? (mordecai and rigby look at the window, realizing it was nothing)
mordecai: dude, there’s nothing there. (shows spider ring) are you gonna trade me that candy bar?
rigby: uh, sure. (looks in the candy pile, revealing the halloween wizard)
halloween wizard: aaah!
rigby: aaah! (throws the candy pile at the floor)
mordecai: rigby! what the heck?! you’re acting all paronoid!
rigby: but i saw something
mordecai: wait. did you hear that?
rigby: hear what? (mordecai farts then laughs) aw! (covers his nose) dude, this is serious! (mordecai eats candy)
mordecai: come on, rigby. if that wizard was gonna get you, you’d be dead by now. (the halloween wizard p-sses by then puts a curse on rigby; rigby gasps) rigby?
rigby: uh! i don’t feel so good. (groans then falls to the floor)
mordecai: rigby?! (rigby groans then starts transforming into a house; screams) what the heck is that?!
rigby: (groans and struggles to pull the number off him) it won’t come off! (mordecai struggle to pull the number off him) quit it! quit it! huh?! (a door kn-b comes out off him then he falls to the floor)
mordecai: (gasp) that wizard put a curse on you!
rigby: you think? (groans)
mordecai: dude, you have to apologize to him
rigby: what?! no way! (groans; his tail becomes a chimney; screams) okay, i’ll apologize. (mordecai and rigby run out of the house) mordecai, i can’t move! (starts to transform into a house)
mordecai: (gasp) hang on, i’ll find the wizard! (drives to the halloween wizard’s house; walks to the door; bangs handle against the door) h-llo? look, i don’t know what you’re doing to my friend, but please, just stop! he’s sorry for egging your house, okay? so, are we cool? (mordecai walks to the window; peeks into it; a cat pops up, scaring mordecai; mordecai pants)
skips: (on the walkie talkie) mordecai. (mordecai gasps) mordecai, come in
mordecai: yeah, yeah, what’s up, skips?
skips: (on the walkie talkie) you gotta get back to the house, quick
mordecai: sure, be right there. (mordecai runs to the cart; the halloween wizard grabs his cat out of his window; mordecai drives back to the house)
muscle man: aw, sick!
rigby: mordecai!
mordecai: huh?! (zoom out on rigby now transformed into a house) dude, you’re a house!
rigby: did you find the wizard?
mordecai: he wasn’t home
rigby: great. (mordecai looks inside house rigby; the gang goes inside)
benson: (coughs) oh, it smells like rigby in here
pops: quite unsettling. (skips looks at a picture of eileen)
muscle man: aw, check it stairs! let’s run on them! (walks upstairs)
mordecai: dude, this is nuts. you’re actually a house
rigby: what do we do now? i don’t want to stay like this forever!
mordecai: i don’t know. it’s not so bad, it’s a lot nicer than anything you can ever afford
muscle man: whoa, there’s even a bathroom! hey rigby, can i–
rigby: no way! (phone rings; pops answers it)
pops: h-llo? it’s for rigby
rigby: put in on speaker! (pops puts the phone on speaker)
halloween wizard (on the phone): how do you like the new body?
all of the guys: (gasp)
halloween wizard (on the phone): don’t think this is all over, because i’m just getting started. you’re gonna pay. (benson picks up the phone)
benson: h-llo?
halloween wizard (on the phone): you’re all gonna–
benson: listen, i don’t know who this is, but you better change rigby back right now, or i– (the halloween wizard’s arms come out of the phone)
halloween wizard: no one tells me what to do! (strangles benson)
mordecai: benson! (mordecai, skips, and pops stuggle to pull benson free; skips pushes mordecai, benson, and pops; the halloween wizard’s hands go back in the phone)
halloween wizard (on the phone): you think you can interrupt my phone call and get away with it? (benson pants) now you’re all gonna pay! see you soon. (laughs evilly; skips disconnets the phone then drops it on the ground)
(scene then changes to all of the groundskeepers inside of rigby with different weapons, then a black car pulls up, and muscle man steps off of the porch)
muscle man: hey, creepy wizard dude! change rigby back and then get out of here! (c-cks back gun) don’t make me ask twice. (wind blows)
halloween wizard: pay, pay, you’re all gonna pay. pay, pay, you’re all gonna pay
muscle man: quit whispering in my ear, bro!
halloween wizard: what’s the matter, mitch? don’t have any clever jokes about your mommy?
muscle man: don’t talk about my mom! (grunts and fires shotgun at the sky and gr-ss, the wizard trips him and carries him behind the bushes, then muscle man shoots his shotgun as the groundskeepers watch in terror)
mordecai: did you guys see that?!
skips: this is not good!!
benson: what are we gonna do then?!
rigby: guys…
mordecai: what, what is it?
(a loud knock is heard at the door, someone quietly opens it, and a skinless muscle man is shown to be the knocker)
muscle man: i told you i was ripped. (falls foward and dies)
skips, mordecai, and hi five ghost: ahhh! (telephone rings) ahh! (hi five ghost runs to answer it)
skips: no, fives, wait!
hi five ghost: (answers phone) h-llo?
halloween wizard: goodbye! (sucks hi five ghost into the phone and squirts him out as a liquid all over skips and mordecai, as benson vomits his gumb-lls)
hi five ghost: worst phone call ever
(mordecai and skips are covered in liquid and mordecai is pushed against the bookshelf by the halloween wizard and is knock unconscious. benson and pops scream in terror and hide in rooms while skips tries punching the halloween wizard but the halloween wizard trips him)
halloween wizard: if you can’t handle the heat, get out of the kitchen! (throws skips into the chimney, and fire goes up the chimney and burns skips as fire goes to the top of the house and rigby screams, halloween wizard runs into the bathroom, opens the shower curtain, and sees benson)
halloween wizard: what’s up, gumball? (benson screams. him and his nunchucks are flushed down the toilet, causing his gumb-lls to rise)
pops: (in bedroom) show yourself. bad show, very bad show! (door opens) ahhh! (fires sling-shot, but it hits the wall, pops gets thrown into a closet and disappears)
rigby: what’s happening? h-llo, is anybody there? can anyone hear me?
mordecai: (wakes up) rigby?
rigby: mordecai!
mordecai: don’t worry, rigby, i’m here. i won’t anything happen to you
(an invisible force comes and chops mordecai’s head off and his head falls to the ground)
mordecai: huh, so this is what it feels like to be as tall as rigby
rigby: mordecai, mordecai? i’m sorry, ok? i shouldn’t have egged your house, do you hear me?! i’m sorry
(the halloween wizard goes to rigby and laughs)
halloween wizard: i told you you’d pay
rigby: well then, what are you waiting for? do it, do it already!
(the wizard uncovers a case and laughs while rigby screams and eggs are thrown at him)
rigby: huh, what?!
halloween wizard: how do you like it?
rigby: what?! you turned me into a house and k!lled all of my friends just to throw eggs at me? that’s it?!
halloween wizard: yep, that’s it!
(points up; zooms out to reveal a big egg coming down on rigby as rigby screams and is drowned; then the scene goes to rigby telling his story in the living room)
rigby: the end
muscle man: weak. that’s it? watch out, guys, some scary old guy is gonna turn you into a house. our story about wrecking cars in a pit was way better. (laughs and high-fives hi five ghost)
rigby: oh, that’s not it
(rigby transforms into the halloween wizard and the guys scream as the wizard goes to the screen)
halloween wizard: happy halloween!
(episode ends)
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