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shotty horroh vs. shuffle t - premier battles lyrics

[round 1: shotty horroh]
when i say “long life” you say, “pat stay”
long live
(pat stay!)
long live
(pat stay!)
long live
(pat stay!)
some said i wasn’t gonna*
(show up, that’s what the talk was about
but i show up to the showdown
to show off when the show’s on for all of the crowd!)
shuffle t
haha…f*ckin’ he
“i like to talk about multisyllabic rhymin’ patterns. look at me!”
you f*ckin’ geek
stay up for a couple weeks?
a month at least, you probably couldn’t sleep
i guess, tryin’ to think of everything that rhymes with…everything must come with some degree of pullin’ t**th
you tellin’ marlo you can’t go to his fox hunt retreat
cause you got this humongous*
shuffle t
haha…f*ckin’ he
“oh i wrote the book on multisyllabic rhymin’ patterns. look at me!”
you f*ckin’ geek
you stay up for a couple weeks?
a month at least, you probably couldn’t sleep
i guess, tryin’ to think of everything that rhymes with…everything must come with some degree of pullin’ t**th
you tellin’ marlo you can’t go to his fox hunt retreat
cause of this humongous heap of things that rhyme with “wannabe”
tellin’ rowan you’re not goin’ to battle in some f*ckin’ club in leeds
on don’t flop “hustlin’ it free” cause you got an upcoming book release
and i congratulated him like, “you wrote a book? what an amazing guy.”
when you hear he wrote a book your thoughts go to some of our greatest minds
i said, “what’s your book about? sp*ce and time?
ancient tribes?
the economic crisis as we sit back and watch inflation rise
no, no, no, it’s a novel, something more on the creative vibe
no, conspiracy theories
children of the matrix vibe
david icke
please, tell me the subject you’re takin’ with this publication, cause i cannot take the hype
he looked me dead in the face, and right
he said, “i wrote a book about complicated rhymes.”
“complicated rhymes?!”
“yeah. multisyllabics
they absolutely have to be done when you rap to the punch of it like
plus the grammatical structure and pattern needs a straight function and fashion
but i’ll allow for slight discrepancies depending on the native tongue of the accent but that does come with an asterisks
and…you know…you know…who needs to kiss a girl?
that’s stuff just a distraction, i don’t need direct sunlight or a shower. none of it
why would i go to a club and get plastered
when i can stay at home, figure out the number of attractors
and sift through my rejection emails to see if the publishers haven’t told me i need to* told me i need to be f*ckin’ embarrassed?”
i’m joking
he’s kissed a girl before
have you kissed a girl before?
he’s kissed a girl before
in fact, shuffle and his ex just finalized a f*ckin’ divorce
b*tch wrote the man a rhyme for valentines and he told her her multi’s were forced
the man even pointed a score
give her just under a four
she laughed it off
“oh my adam it’s funny for sure.”
but he said she should’ve known better she did something he just couldn’t ignore
especially now he’s booked in the store so he doesn’t love her no more
f*ckin’ run for the door
f*ckin’ guy
awkward as f*ck, walkin’ like he’s got a wooden spine
doesn’t let you sing “happy birthday” to him because it doesn’t rhyme
wore his weird f*ckin’ trench coat a 100 times
got you lookin’ like you come disguised
as a c*nt that likes the under 5’s
nonce!
wore it so many times he doesn’t need to hang up his coat
he hasn’t washed it in years
he takes it off and it stands on it’s own
that coat is alive
it’s symbiosis
it demands the controls when attached to a host
i saw him put his hand inside said jacket, and it actually moaned
“oooh yeah.”
“oooh ye*”
either it’s been the same jacket for 10 years or you got ten on a rack on a special stack like dexter’s lab
each of ’em have a tiny pocket which contains a microscopic list of all the s*x you’ve had
that coat screams, “why does she never text me back?”
so dirty every time he wears it his neck gets chapped and his flesh is cracked with a reddish rash
i gave him a hook last week and my leg was scratched
i had to get a [?]
f*ck that coat!
i’ve never known anything to smell as bad, it gets me mad
when i see it, it makes me wanna jet like a pepsi ad for collecting cans
that one’s for the netflix fans, you get me gang?
baow!
that’s my first round in, safe star blessed
i’ve got two more rounds and plenty more sp*ce in my graveyard left!
[round 1: shuffle t]
everybody’s been, telling me i won’t ever survive my next foe
i was never alive, been sentenced to life, they sent me to fry at death row
they’ve already supplied some fresh clothes, the burial site, the headstone
i’m dead on arrival, end of the line, but ready to die, so let’s go!
that’s why i’ve drafted a will…
now i’d like sounds like to continue so i leave the registered rights to pedro
and i want big j to finally get that s*xy, designer trench coat
and to soul i leave my engraved piece of jefferson price’s bedpost
and a really, really, really long collection of rhymes for death note
because i’m battling shotty horroh – yeah?
the g*nius
i mean it
in manchester, this guy is jesus
i am in utter shock, i’m giddy – in pieces
underprepared best man…i’m speechless
they said, “shotty’s back to battling, it’s just like the olden days.”
couldn’t believe it “god’s back, huh? holy shoulder blades”
well f*ck it i’m back, too
what’s up premier battles? you already know the dizzle
been underground, now shuff’s back in town, lock up your daughters; josef fritzl
but this battle was meant to be last april, honestly
he called it off… i’m like, “what? but mate, you promised me.”
i asked if it’s still happening, he’s like “maybe. possibly”
i’ve been patiently waiting for this ancient prophesy
too p*ssy to actually face me properly
he’s p*ssing himself worried that he’ll take a loss to me (colostomy)
it’s taken you three prime ministers and a change of monarchy
do you understand how many lines i wrote that are now outdated due to your attitude?
do you understand how many will smith/chris rock punchlines i had to scr*p for you?!
and organizing an event and putting yourself as the headline is the worst mate
it smacks of those kids who charged the other kids to come to their birthday
we’re having this clash judged too, by performers he would have to know
because they rap for, your platform – this sports arena that you own
i can only imagine which way they all will see the battle go
this is about as unbiased as kim jong un in a north korean talent show
i’ve also seen your battles though – i’ve got you figured out: ‘roids
simmer down, mate, you should be chilling out, poised
think about it all he has is a loud voice
but your writing’s more of a sh*ts how than mrs. brown’s boys
you hit mid*thirties and went up about six dress sizes
you are a limping, groaning, knuckle*dragging midlife crisis
i don’t care who’s most popular, i care about who’s the nicest
you have a bigger name than me? so does f*cking isis
now, i preferred you when you were off the ‘roids and thin
but now he’s addicted to working out and it’s poisoned him
you on social media is an extremely annoying thing
my whole twitter feed is you and cojay just agreeing you enjoy the gym
i want the stick person that we’ve seen, this version baffles me
wants to wrestle now? well, i doubt we’ll see a big surge in casualties
such a fake guy he’ll only fake fight, he’ll inverse to atrophy
want to wrestle so bad? go wrestle with your split personality
i’m praying and i am hoping that by the end of this his head is fixed
i’m talking to him, since it’s clear a therapist never did
cause you on social media is nuts
i mean, you’ve got this anger that brews
there’s different versions of him, these doppelgängers you use
someone says something you don’t like? he’s gotten mad in a mood
now, shotty’s back in the room, you’re not the adam we knew
this constant angst is problematic, what’s the matter? drop the act
this rotten apple’s, gotten bad, he’s lost and tangled, shocking tact, you’re not a man you’re a youth
that’s not what adults should do
acting like everyone’s against him, what an arrogant view
like you’re the center of attention? your logic has to improve
not everybody’s a snake, a shocking fact, but it’s true
when you fall out with everyone then the common factor is you
you f*ck up relationships the moment you activate a computer
turning friends you keep into enemies and those actions make you a user
think st. patrick’s day, i banish snakes, i am the saint of the future
i keep ahead (a head) of serpents like perseus decapitating medusa
so don’t let his bullsh*t blur your vision
don’t be intimidated by a word he’s written
cause what he writes isn’t true like tabloid journalism
so don’t be scared, most horroh’s (horror) stories are a work of fiction
[round 2: shotty horroh]
he’s alright, isn’t he?
probably someone with a case for the top 4
not many can joke as good as him
you normally know i’m goin’ to win
but today…you aren’t sure
that’s fine
b*st*rds
he’s a formidable opponent
you’re just livin’ in the moment
that graveyard’s been nothin’ but rusty chains and locked doors
until brizzy said, “look shuffle over”, well then i made sp*ce for one more
the most, one dimensional rapper in the scene
for the last ten years he’s given us nothin’ fresh
just copies ricky gervais’ whole sh*t and makes it rhyme…i’m unimpressed
i don’t need to watch a shuffle battle to tell you what could’ve happened, it’s formulaic, i could’ve guessed
funny how you’re called “shuffle” when we always know what’s comin’ next
i catch shuffle while he teaches his little rhyme & rap beginner classes
slidin’ past the guy who asked for ticket passes
with a knife that’s stashed within my jacket
slicin’, drive the jagged shiv i fashioned inside his ab, his liver’s splashed
drive it back
the skin is rugged like the shank it’s gettin’ traction
you was battlin’ bowls of f*ckin’ fanta
they kinda clash as mirror matches
cause you’re both full of gas
and the thumb and index is somethin’ i can actually twist ya cap with
try me, try me, try me
act as if i’m chattin’, don’t die for rap cause it’s in fashion
they wanted shuffle in the graveyard
now it’s time for michael jackson ‘thriller’ dances
i heard, “shuffle’s outside”
let’s get this muppet outlined
i don’t give a f*ck about rhymes
i got this gun from ’round mines
me and my cousin, downsized
it’s just us and a brown ride [?]
foot in his house like, “give it up or your pal dies.”
and marlo stood there like, like, “i don’t mean to trouble you now guys
but i’ve got lunch at about 5:00 and another function around 9:00
i’m just worried about time
gun b*tt him
outlines
blood comin’ out his mouth like you asked gunna about slime
aim at shuffle, and shuffle outcries
“are you guys gonna f*ckin’ shoot me?!”
{gun c*cks}
what does it sound like?
and marlo stood there…joke
f*ck that! i’m outrageous
if i don’t impress shuffle, i press shuffle without playlist
i’m the sensei
what’s a sensation to an out station
where would you have gotten without favors? let’s talk foundations
there’s a difference between rock bottom and ground breakers
if i would’ve showed up today without patience, you’d be an outpatient
ahh
mortician, shuffle on the table without vegas
i am thee, without a doubt greatest
out of town blazin’, an ounce [?]
you’re just me, without flavor
downgraded, outdated
shotty, tony, soul, kruger, bizzo, bobby, unan’, you’re about 8ish
wait, that’s without arkaic, i can’t downplay him
f*ck shuffle t!
i’ve been talkin’ smokin’, loud statements
dj with the drop on him, shuffle on the floor like house ravers
you rhyme words together really well
that’s why the people love you, but that’s just one piece of the secret puzzle
that’s like missin’ the sea cause you see the puddle
that’s where you seem to struggle
you perform like your knees were buckled if you even push up a feeble muscle
you let him do this with no conviction
just like if someone looks like him finds himself in legal trouble
he stays insecure, stood on the spot lookin’ like he needs a cuddle as he speaks so discrete and subtle
that’s why we don’t believe in ya
so many elite mc’s that leagues above ya
we don’t in shuffle like the deal’s a hustle
you get it, but that ain’t the gamblin’ part
i told briggzy we’re gonna need a proper shuffle or it’s gonna damage the card
you think pretending to not have an ego is the cheat code
like it’s an invincible spell
he thinks that if any mc is givin’ him h*ll he just needs to giggle as well and it isn’t an l
all that nonchalant sh*t of you bein’ the biggest you could be
if you don’t believe it, we don’t believe it as well
i mean all that self deprecating only made you be little (belittle) yourself
second round in, safe star bless
only one more round and plenty more sp*ce in that graveyard left
[round 2: shuffle t]

{shuffle pulls out his phone}

“hey, yeah, um, can i speak to someone in hr?
yeah it’s to deal with well*being and safeguards
2*9*1*5 is the number on my name card
my place of work is shotty horroh’s graveyard
my complaints are * i never get told when a new shipment of bodies is coming in…which is a great start
i just have to wait for them to magically pop up on my radar
and i think he’s in denial cause, i know where the graves are
and he always saying that he isn’t, but he is running out of sp*ce fast
if we ask too many questions he forces us out
he turns up some days and orders us ’round
he was meant to be in for a meeting at a quarter to…now
some are saying he won’t show up
that’s what people are saying
it’s a hassle, it’s a stress, it’s havoc, it’s a mess
i just get batches of the dead turn up through national express
and if i ask how they died that’s a sackable offence
am i to believe that he…what? rap battles them to death?
i’m calling today cause i’ve just had someone through, tali
another hopeless victim
and i’m looking around and i’ve got no idea for the life of me where i’m s’posed to fit him
plot 3?
no that’s taken. it’s taken it don’t need filling
well, i can put tali in there but he’s going to have tony with him
i get that these things are best handled with stealth
it’s just * it’s extra stress for me, which is bad for my health
but i guess i’ve just got to deal with the hand i was dealt
what was your name? alright, briggzy, well thanks for your help.”
listen, i’m glad he’s laughin’, cause usually he’s terrifying
when he does smile, his face id doesn’t recognize him
that, and you’ve put on a [?] amount of weight
a bit of padding around the face
you’re the man of the house, it’s great
i bet your calorie count’s insane
but i’m not intimidated by you, that wasn’t how i was raised
i don’t feel fear next to you, i just feel massively out of shape
now, he did beat me in that film vs – but it was hard for me to lose that
cause i first wrote my side of the battle they said, “we can’t really use that
it needs to be worse than shotty’s material, so can you write us a new rap?”
i said, “worse than shotty’s stuff…? i don’t know if i can do that.”
in the end i had to go through about 100,000 scripts
to make my stuff as bad as what’s coming out that f*cking mouth of his
at one point i just screwed up a piece of paper and rubbed it ’round in sh*t
the director said, “i think we’ll need to dumb it down a bit.”
i was in 8 mile as well, you seen it? ahh, it’s g*nius as f*ck
producer called me personally said, “we need you for this, shuff”
i was meant to lose to eminem, but the scenes have all been cut
apparently, me getting beat wasn’t “believable enough”
now listen, me and funny go together like bees and honey
easy money, heretic and a vegan curry
but it’s an understatement if you’re describing me as ‘hungry’
that’s like calling ian huntley a ‘cheeky monkey’
i feel so comfy up here, i’m winning this in every round
i should be getting out my armchair, slippers and a dressing gown
you should bring briggzy in as well, man! f*ck it, just for a laugh
we can turn this in to a 1v1 and a half
cause look at all the people that you have to bring with you
the second that a battle’s not inside of the m62
i could’ve had this battle in your house in your parent’s living room
and have them both arguing over who they’d give it to
your mom gives it to me
so, if i were you, i would honestly hide in a safe sp*ce
because this could cost you your life and that is f*cking mate’s rates
i am in here to have a couple of quick beers and slay
i don’t care if the sharks or the knights are the ones that win here today
don’t get that misconstrued, i mean my win’s clear on stage
i just don’t care about the teams, cause i’m not 6 years of age
every performance i have out of 10 i give myself a million
i am my own worst critic and i think i’m f*cking brilliant!
so f*ck it, the round’s done, i got his back to the turnbuckle
let’s all see how many puns this c*nt has for the word ‘shuffle’
time

[round 3: shotty horroh]
i mean shuffle t’s funny as f*ck
i’ve been quotin’ him when he’s roastin’ them
as far as the stand up comedy rap battle fans go, it’s either o’shea or him to be the goat for them
but there’s this joe pesci notion…
funny how? if you focusin’
cause there’s two types of funny in this world bro and you’re both of ’em
cause you’re funny, like you’re funny when they’re lovin’ your clowin’
but you’re funny like there’s really somethin’ funny about him
cause i don’t f*ck my friends over
you get bad luck from it
p*ssy try bein’ a stand up guy before you try bein’ a stand up comic
cause no matter what cruger and bags do for this lad, you know he’s team rowan forever
he literally robbed your friends of their business pursuit as he dm’d you, you instantly fold to the pressure
he’s payin’ you with the money that he owes to them…don’t act like you didn’t know any better
crazy that you made a paperback when you was the staple that didn’t have the spine to hold it together
he does not give a f*ck
i’ve never met anybody as bold as he is
can you imagine him, cruger and bagnall on zoom if they host a meetin’ for the sound like show that evenin’?
and he’s tangent off to don’t flop, the whole case, the whole proceedings
he sat there like, “what a c*nt. what a c*nt. sorry guys that’s my phone. h*llo roooooo* h*llo ronan keating
boys i have ronan keating.”
he does not give a f*ck, you have to understand
that sh*t he did with liam and freddie, that sh*t made ’em sick, they ain’t just anybodys
without them, i don’t think the scene you see today exists
i’m not saying you’re a piece of sh*t cause you didn’t hold it down
i’m just sayin’, you ain’t legit
cause he tried doin’ the same sh*t to my brother, and we squaded up and created this
loyal to the soil
i don’t f*ck with anybody that wants to play with briggz
you don’t like him, i don’t you, simple, plain as sh*t
that’s why our careers meet at a fork in the road, and they separate, like this
cause you’re still maintainin’ a main event career and gettin’ a wage from it
and i’m the guy that pays you it
and i did your little panel show for free twice
it was covid times i let the love persuade me
you couldn’t sell tickets, make money, there was no crowd, stuff was crazy
you came at me with the whole “we’re friends” angle and i [?]
cause me charging shuffle shady
until we needed you during the pandemic and your attitude was “f*ck you pay me”
so f*ck shuffle t and his book and his infiltrating, gentrification in a class
these posh c*nts can’t see what the streets created with the scr*ps
and wanna turn it into data and a [?]
“cl!ck this link and learn how to be hip hop”
f*ck off!
we ain’t got the patience for all a dat
for your book to be useful to me, i’d have to tape it to my abs so i was safe from gettin’ stabbed
i didn’t learn this shift from a f*ckin’ book
i was battlin’ on the street corner since i had a bus pass and pocket full of dust caps
people hated, f*ck that
i handled the positive and the negative like a blood bank
me versus you, 1 on 1 ain’t a good match
cause i’ve always been a couple points above you like a umlaut
next thing i wanna talk about is very f*ckin’ serious
it’s not a joke
cause i don’t trust a man who’s arms don’t move when he walks
it’s one of those
why do your arms look so heavy bro?
i gotta know
you look like every single [?] trying to carry your mum’s worth of shopping home
f*ckin’ strange guy
lookin’ like the little men in black alien inside him can’t operate the arms and the legs at the same time
and thank you very much
another straight, white, male with a podcast
with long hair and edgy jokes
it’s f*ckin’ russel off*brand

that’s me, thank you

[round 3: shuffle t]
now your music has actually been a little different lately
when you up and switch so f*cking quick it comes across as shady
that scum of the earth album was so oasis influenced it was crazy
i said, “do you think you might have ripped them off a bit?” he said “mayyyyyybeeeeeeee!”
i said, “yeah, definitely maybe
here’s what i think happened, i think you started copying them ‘little by little’
then you just ‘roll with it’
head up in the clouds
i mean he doesn’t hear it
it makes him wonder what all (‘wonderwall’) the fuss is about
no one’s more p*ssed off than me, i liked how your old albums sound
in fact, i don’t believe that anybody feels the way i do about you now
‘don’t look back in anger’
you blended brit pop and hip hop with rock
thought it would be sh*t hot, big shock, it’s not
you ripped off a band you like, and yeah you did it beautifully
but musically, now you’re nowhere near as good as it used to be
cause when you sell out your art for a dime
it’ll never be far from your mind
cause when you’ve been cast to the side those steps are a b*st*rd to climb
you’re energy starved and you’ll try, but never regrasp on those heights
your penmanship starts to decline, your presence your bars and your lines
and everything’s harder to rhyme
integrity’s hard to define
but when you pretend to be part of a life
of the celebrity’s art that you like
all you’re doing is karaoke, you dress up you dance and you mime
so, all you’ve actually done is perfected the art of disguise
that’s why you’re running out of smoke like a contestant on stars in their eyes
tonight matthew, i’m going to shove noel’s gallagher’s d*ck in every hole that it can fit
the only role that you can give, this ain’t a cold slap on the wrist
you’re facing the whole character list of soul caliber 6
that’s why he’s saying sh*t lines these days like
“it tali and (italian) blood run in the streets”, oh my god, you’re such a pr*ck
the manny crowd were loving it, most people wouldn’t f*ck with it
i was just watching with a confused face, i couldn’t keep up with it
not because it’s too complex, just cause it’s f*cking sh*t
“italian blood running the streets” – i’ll slow down i’m out maneuvering
i’m gettin’ a bit too complex so let me do some tutoring
see i said something about the mafia, but i included in his pseudonym
i don’t give a sh*t if you crammed his name in there it still has f*ck all to do with him
let me say something simple and make it official
battle rap bars aren’t personal cause their name or initial was placed in the middle
every round from you these days is just this crazy horrid scheme
you make it sound complex but it’s always just the same obnoxious theme
people used to be able to battle in a way they’d want to speak
whatever happened to just f*cking saying what you mean?
every line it’s “i said one thing that sounds like another thing. isn’t that clever?”
i’m just watching from the side like “mate. it isn’t that clever.”
so, i won’t dress this up with word play i’ll just tell you what the truth is
i think insecurity is the reason you became a unit
your battles aren’t that great these days, neither is your music
i think you’re overrated, and i think you’re f*ckin’ stupid
this is loud*mouth bullsh*t versus strong and silent
you make something simple feel like rocket science
i make rocket science feel like comic timing
like hugh laurie, the two ronnies or monty python
it doesn’t make an ounce of difference how you spin it
which way round you flip it, upside down and twisted
i am bound to win this, and the crowd can witness
this counterfeited coward’s limits
there’s always praise for you and you’re showered with it
put on a pedestal like some proud exhibit
they put you in the top 4 they’ve mapped out your image
well, you can have mount rushmore i’ll take mount olympus
you say i’m a clown as if it means that i’m annoyed
i love that reputation, that’s my pride and joy
so, go find some ‘roids, alright? enjoy!
take that belt to its biting point
i’ll just kick you in the b*ll*cks with my clown shoes so hard you’ll have a higher voice than a choirboy’s!
if you’re watching from overseas – watch more uk battle rap
watch frankie, frost, oshea, cojay, gemini, it’s action packed
watch premier battles, don’t flop, no loose chat, f*ck it * watch some danny jaqq
just stop giving all your attention to this overrated f*ckin’ tw*t!
see, i beat you with word play, angles, aggression, concepts, this battle’s what i make it
you just forever rely on americanized generically rhymed name flips
you’re an imitator – you see what’s out there and you claim it
i’m an innovator – i see what’s out there and i change it
time

- premier battles lyrics

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