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to myself - poetically authentic lyrics

usually get up around 5 o’clock
brush my t**th
get ready for my day to start
hop in the car
sleep deprived cuz the night before
was up writing stories
that i want to hear on charts
or film scores
want more than just radio play
want my music to surpass
me being on stage
but i first gotta pass me
working long hour days in the mundane
can’t take no breaks
bills gotta get paid
too much on the brain
told that doing the same things
don’t equal different results…hm
it’s somethings in that same environment gotta adjust to
can change the scenery
but really what’s new
nothing if you don’t do the work
feel like i’ve searched stones
i’ve already turned over
and read between the lines
but i’ve still ain’t come no closer
to getting through this
feeling of having no options
cuz creating pockets get exhausting
especially when there’s no proof
of no progress made
so i’m learning how to be content
while also learning not to be complacent with my faith
cuz they could look the same
and instead of me appreciating what is
i’m comfortable in the same place
think if i accomplish this
i can cross it off the list
one less thing to worry bout
gotta focus back on route, i
wish that i could just be still
but time always running out
so i feel like i gotta get everything
i was promised now
but i need to…breathe
i really need to… breathe… really need to
my biggest battle been taking my hands off things i can not control
cuz i’ve had one too many slip up out my hold
now my grip is firm
and how to loosen it is a lesson i’ve yet to learn
guess the ptsd keeps me on my toes
but never in the present tense
cuz how i’m trynna make a living
and barely living it
can spot the irony in that
peeped i ain’t good to n0body
if my body ain’t relax
so my tank it needs replenishing
started scheduling time out the day for self
to see improvements
noticed that some of my blemishes
turned to muses
and some of those same vices
became main topics of my music
who’d knew this process be therapeutic
but that ain’t gon’ make you relevant
everybody got a story so no point telling it
“ you really think you gon’ change positions
and make a career based off of yo feelings
like you ain’t already bred different
ways to cope with yo bad decisions
hm…guess we’ll see about it later
if people really resonate
with what got you anxious
and why you think your worth dependent on
if you gone make it or not
but that’s a whole ‘nother conversation”
rather not have my decisions
be ultimatums
that’s why i stay up writing
what i can’t see
and drawing out different avenues
to catch what i’ve been chasing
but tell me what’s the good in that
if i still can’t…..breathe…breathe…breathe
really need to…breathe
breathe in…breathe out

- poetically authentic lyrics

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