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theme song - paul shapera lyrics

abi: we should totally have a theme song
kevin: why would we have a theme song?
abi: all the detective teams on tv have theme songs and catchy names. we could be abi and the mouse
kevin: whoa! i don’t think so. we should be kevin and the witch
abi: that’s not bad abi and the mouse is cooler though
kevin: i think kevin and the witch is way cooler
abi: but first we need a super fun theme song, something like…

if something dark nefarious comes creeping round your house
crimes you can’t unwind then just call abi and the mouse
if the cops are lost and you are at your wits last end
we’ll solve it all just give a call when you’re all out of friends
when something sinister it slithers round your part of town
murder foul don’t howl just call us abi and the mouse

kevin: well that’s nice, but the lyrics need a little touch up
abi: yeah they could use a rewrite. what were you thinking?
kevin: oh, something like this:

if murderers are on your nerves and make your eyeb*lls twitch
don’t you moan pick up the phone call kevin and the witch
we’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
kevin is the sweet one, abi’s kind of a b***

abi: don’t you dare say it!
kevin:
something wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch
we’re the friends at your wits end, kevin and the witch

abi: i don’t even know where to start with everything that was wrong with that
kevin: g*nius knows no boundaries
abi: if i randomly pointed to words in a dictionary it would be more**
kevin: seriously though i love this, but our theme song should be less sat*rday morning cartoon and more mysterious. something like this: one two three

…

abi:
it’s true sometimes you need a sleuth detectives on your side

kevin:
brilliant, sly, astute, and wise we always get our guy
abi’s fun and sweet but her spells can kick your behind

abi:
kevin has a brilliant mind nothing escapes his eye

abi and kevin:
if the cops have given up don’t panic don’t you twitch
the best detective team out there the mouse and yes, the witch

abi: that probably needs a few rewrites
kevin: wow, song lyrics are harder than i thought
abi: maybe we should just hire that poet at the griffin’s tail?
kevin: he just writes depressing stuff about the meaninglessness of existence
abi: yeah, but he can rhyme
kevin: sure, if you need things that rhyme with abyss and pain
abi: i need a catchphrase

- paul shapera lyrics

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