theme song 2 - paul shapera lyrics
abi:
what about mafia dad 2? that was a good sequel?
kevin:
sure, once in a blue moon they don’t screw it up, but it doesn’t change the fact that most sequels are terrible and a bad idea
ryvyr:
sharkgirl and lavaboy 2 was really good
kevin:
i thought you said it didn’t have enough violence?
ryvyr:
all the good g movies never have enough violence
abi:
they’re for kids
ryvyr:
how are the kids going to learn to defend their tribe?
abi:
you’re the cutеst little homicidal goblin i know
ryvyr:
love you too, babe *kissy noisеs*
abi:
have you thought about your catchphrase?
ryvyr:
shouldn’t we focus on this new murder we’re driving to?
abi:
we’ll figure it out when we get there
kevin:
not much further now. i not sure we both need a catchphrase, but if i had one it could be
“you didn’t think about that, did you, you bulbous hemorrhoid?”
abi:
as a catchphrase?
ryvyr:
what’s a hemorrhoid?
abi:
no. we are a primetime show. you cannot say hemorrhoid every episode
kevin:
but you say the word h*ll?
abi:
spell from h*ll time!
kevin:
how is h*ll better than hemorrhoid?
abi:
it just is. no one wants to hear about…
ryvyr:
so do you sing your theme song every episode?
kevin:
well, if we’re a movie, we do a new, more hip theme song. like:
kevin:
its kevin and abi back on the case
come inspectin’ and dectectin’ til the culprit’s aced
if the bodies are a pilin and you don’t know which is which
come a solvin’ and revolving with kevin and the witch
sherlock and poirot, father brown and sam spade
all step back and raise a glass when the mouse is on the case
cause it’s find the guilty time and make that k!ller their b*tch
another crime unwinds with kevin and the witch
chorus:
kevin and the witch
kevin:
her name is abi!
chorus:
kevin and the witch
kevin:
she’s not too shabby!
chorus:
kevin and the witch
kevin:
the mouse and abi!
chorus:
kevin and the witch
kevin:
like scooby and sh*ggy!
abi:
no, nonono, no. absolutely not. we are a murder of the week, hit prime time show. same song every time. it’s comforting. here, like this:
abi:
if murderers are on your nerves and make your eyeb*lls twitch
kevin:
don’t you moan, pick up the phone, call kevin and the witch
abi:
we’ll ace the toughest case without a snag or drag or hitch
kevin:
kevin is the sweet one and abi’s a raging b—
abi:
don’t you dare say it
kevin & abi:
if someone wrong just offed your mom and you are in a glitch
we’re the friends at your wits end, kevin and the witch
kevin:
it is a classic
ryvyr:
i liked the terrible rapping
kevin:
what if i wore a backwards baseball hat and chain and spit the ver—
abi: what if we didn’t do a sleazy, corporate, culturally appropriating cash grab
…
kevin:
it’s true sometimes you need a sleuth, detectives on your side
abi: brilliant, sly, astute, and wise, we always get our guy
kevin: abi’s fun and sweet but her spells can kick your behind
abi: kevin has a brilliant mind, nothing escapes his eye
kevin & abi:
if the cops have given up, don’t panic, don’t you twitch
the best detective team out there, the mouse and yes, the witch
ryvyr:
we should do a blood scream at the end
kevin:
a blood scream?
ryvyr:
you know, like… “the mouse and yes, the witch” *scream*
kevin:
oddly it works better than you’d first think. so, a pair of cows were talking in a—
abi:
stop right there. no. aren’t we here?
kevin:
oh, we’ve arrived
ryvyr:
oh, this place is fancy
abi:
this is the home of santiago winters, ceo of vv enterprises
ryvyr:
santiago winters, ceo of vv enterprises?
abi:
say it once more for the viewers at home
ryvyr:
the rich and powerful santiago winters, ceo of vv enterprises
abi:
did mr. winters actually call us?
kevin:
no. it might have been his wife, although the voice was very computery
abi:
so do we just knock on the front door?
kevin:
this door is enormous
ryvyr:
you know, i keep a mace with me for just such occasions
kevin:
you can’t possibly mean mace as in—
*thunk*
abi:
that’s a big dent you put in their door
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