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the pendant of kultainen - paul shapera lyrics

kevin: wow you people are a mess. ok thank you, could all three of you please go over there for a bit?

abi: so what does your gut tell you?

kevin: that they’re all idiots. what about you?

abi: well i’m getting a really interesting read off this kultainen pendant

kevin: ryvyr, what can you tell us of this thing?

ryvyr: they shouldn’t have it

kevin: right. got it, but what is it?

ryvyr: oh, you know i have the perfect story for just this occasion!

storytime!

story story story storytime (it’s storytime)
all right yeah baby baby yeah
story story story storytime (it’s storytime)
all night long, oh yeah!

years ago a volcano spread a faminе though our land
the goblin tribe tried to survivе, but there was little food at hand
muk muk mash was all they had to eat but every day at dawn
a herd of poro ran right by, but no one could wake up in time
a stimulant might do the trick to get the hunters on their feet
but goblins, sad to say, cannot score either meth or tea
the pendant weaves these golden leaves
that we seep and use for tea
like the peeka bees so happy we will be

golden leaves will make our tea
the pendant weaves so carefully
and then merrily upon our feet we’ll be

the shaman set upon a quest to the mountains of samu
and in its crags there lived a hag with magic gifts that they might use
the hag said, “if i give a gift, the pendant of kultainen then
a quid pro quo you must bestow a favor in return you give”
the court of hags would meet at last and all a pedicure would love

so she agreed though their foul feet were rancid, gnarled and macabre
i don’t mean to make a scene about the court of hags foul feet
but they were really really i’m not trying to body shame but a little personal hygiene goes a long long way cause trust me their feet were really really gross and stinky

though she puked a time or two, she triumphed, brought the pendant back
the goblins we could make our tea, and hunt the poro meat at last

the pendant weaves these golden leaves
that we seep and use for tea
like the peeka bees so happy we will be

golden leaves will make our tea
the pendant weaves so carefully
and then merrily upon our feet we’ll be

story story story storytime (it’s storytime)
oh yeah oh yeah
story story story story (it’s storytime)
all night long, all night

kevin: so the pendant makes gold leaves

ryvyr: that we use for tea

abi: you make tea from gold?

ryvyr: it’s amazing

kevin: well something that manufactures gold is definitely**
whoa what happened to the lights?
…
why did the lights go out?

ryvyr: everyone’s gone!

kevin: oh no, they all fled we’re gonna have to**

abi: that’s not the most interesting thing happening right now
kevin: it’s not?

abi: no, the appearance of a time door is

kevin: time door?

abi: right there

kevin: i don’t see anything

abi: i promise you there is a time door right over there

kevin: how is there a time door?

abi: well there’s two likely explanations. it was opened by a person

kevin: right

abi: or a thing

kevin: a thing

abi: like for instance the pendant

kevin: wh* wait wait wait. how can a pendant open a time door

abi: you’re assuming pendants don’t possess consciousness

kevin: what? how can a pendant possess consciousness?

abi: asks the talking mouse

kevin: huh..

abi: i’m picking up a call from the pendant from the doorway

kevin: it wants us to go through the door?

abi: kazam

kevin: did you just say kazam?

abi: yeah, i’m thinking it**

abi and kevin: could be my(your) new catchphrase

kevin: yeah yeah yeah, we’ll deal with that atrocity in a second. do we**

ryvyr: it is imperative that we retrieve my people’s sacred relic

abi: if the pendant is calling to us across time, we should follow

kevin: well i’ve never seen a bad idea i didn’t go rushing headlong towards

- paul shapera lyrics

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