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ryvyr d goblin - paul shapera lyrics

ryvyr:
i’ve a storyline to blow your mind i’ve a song to make you dance
its a phasmagoric fable that’d make tolkien p**p his pants
i’ve a narrative you just can’t miss, a tale to make you cheer
its the bomb, the best backstory that you’re ever gonna hear

its story time, all right
it’s story time, all night

i’ve a storyline, once upon a time in a land real far away
where the p*wny roots we knew all grew and the goblin children play
if sighs and cries both give you hives, if your nerves are highly strung
you might need a tranquilizer, oh, before my tale is done

its story time, all right
it’s story time, all night

in a fair and far off forest lived and thrived my goblin tribe
led by pom pom our great leader who pierus day and night
he kept us safe from hirviös and cootie coos throughout the land
kept the peace with worms and fleas and the viscious southern clan

our great pom pom had a daughter, hiisi who is just my age
sweet and taut she’s really hot and this is where the trouble lay
on the third moon once a century is the ritual of glyme
hiisi does a blessing but must be a virgin at the time
hiisi makes me hot and ooky, kooky, loopy but who knew
hiisi thinks that i’m a sweety, has the ookies for me too
a week before the rituaali we took some yukyuk to the woods
to drink and laugh but nothing crass just have some fun like young girls should

when we woke the next fair morning, heads all thick, a little sore
we realized we have done an oopsy, hiisii wasn’t a virgin any more

the goblin shaman has a daughter, venla, who had wanted us
to go with her on spirit quest and now we ran, cried venla help!
venla said there was a mushroom in the forest to the south
that restored virginity so us three goblin girls set out

so we walked we three through woods and streams through miles on our quest
to the kuka caverns in the south where the sacred mushroom rests
we goblin girls passed thrills and perils but we reached that cavern yet
but inside we fell into a trap which we’ll talk ‘bout in a sec
guitar solo!

we fell down, down, down, down a long chute to the underground lair of the worm king

the worm king said “we celebrate, three goblin girls we caught this day
we’ll sell you both, this is our plan, to the viscious southern clan
one of you we will set free, venla, gratitude to thee
your promise you have kept we see you brought pom pom’s offspring to me
.
we’ll eat your brains but sell your skull to the southern clan who will
put it on their banner when they raid your village this weekend
first they’ll use necromancy to raise an undead hiisi
so her skull will scream when they attack pom pom’s tribe and wipe you out”
but while the king was yackin, smackin, hiisi and i picked the lock
opened up our cages and prepared to fight out last lost cause

if we die upon this day
if tonight when moonlight comes
and we rot right here just know
we’ll take all of you with us

“goblin girls you are surrounded,” said the king with fetid breath
“say your last word now and then say a greeting to your death”
i said venla, this i swear, a blood oath now, i will not die
until i gut you, send you straight to h*ll and feast upon your eyes

hiisi, i am glad we had these moments and that special night
it is my last happiness to die on this day at your side

i thought that i would gladly die with my hiisi at my side
but a portal just then opened from your world and your time
they plucked me then from certain death, arcadia you know
but she’s still now back there at their lab, so you see i cannot go

its story time, all right
it’s story time, all night

- paul shapera lyrics

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