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master of the house - original london cast of les misérables lyrics

[thénardier, greeting a new customer]
welcome, monsieur, sit yourself down
and meet the best innkeeper in town
as for the rest, all of them crooks
rooking the guests and cooking the books
seldom do you see
honest men like me
a gent of good intent
who’s content to be

master of the house, doling out the charm
ready with a handshake and an open palm
tells a saucy tale, makes a little stir
customers appreciate a bon viveur
glad to do my friends a favor
doesn’t cost me to be nice
but nothing gets you nothing
everything has got a little price

master of the house, keeper of the zoo
ready to relieve ’em of a sou or two
watering the wine, making up the weight
picking up their knick*knacks when they can’t see straight
everybody loves a landlord
everybody’s bosom friend
i’ll do whatever pleases
jesus, then i’ll bleed ’em in the end
[thénardier & ensemble]
master of the house, quick to catch your eye
never wants a passerby to pass him by
servant to the poor, butler to the great
comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate
everybody’s boon companion
everybody’s chaperone

[thénardier]
but lock up your valises
jesus! won’t i skin you to the bone!

[thénardier greets another customer and takes his bag.]

enter monsieur, lay down your load
unlace your boots and rest from the road
this weighs a ton, travel’s a curse
but here we strive to lighten your purse
here the goose is cooked
here the fat is fried
and nothing’s overlooked
till i’m satisfied

food beyond compare, food beyond belief
mix it in a mincer and pretend it’s beef
kidney of a horse, liver of a cat
filling up the sausages with this and that
residents are more than welcome
bridal suite is occupied
reasonable charges
plus some little extras on the side
charge ’em for the lice, extra for the mice
two percent for looking in the mirror twice
here a little slice, there a little cut
three percent for sleeping with the window shut
when it comes to fixing prices
there are lots of tricks he knows
how it all increases, all them bits and pieces
jesus, it’s amazing how it grows

[thénardier & ensemble]
master of the house, quick to catch your eye
never wants a passerby to pass him by
servant to the poor, butler to the great
comforter, philosopher and lifelong mate
everybody’s boon companion
gives ’em everything i’ve / he’s got

[thénardier]
dirty bunch of geezers
jesus, what a sorry little lot

[madame thénardier]
i used to dream that i would meet a prince
but god almighty, have you seen what’s happened since?

“master of the house” isn’t worth my spit
“comforter, philosopher” and lifelong sh*t
cunning little brain, regular voltaire
thinks he’s quite a lover, but there’s not much there
what a cruel trick of nature
landed me with such a louse
god knows how i’ve lasted
living with this b*st*rd in the house
[thénardier & ensemble]
master of the house

[madame thénardier]
master and a half

[thénardier & ensemble]
comforter, philosopher

[madame thénardier]
don’t make me laugh!

[thénardier & ensemble]
servant to the poor, butler to the great

[madame thénardier]
hypocrite and toady and inebriate

[thénardier & ensemble]
everybody bless the landlord
everybody bless his spouse

[thénardier]
everybody raise a glass

[madame thénardier]
raise it up the master’s ass

[thénardier, madame thénardier & ensemble]
everybody raise a glass to the master of the house

- original london cast of les miserables lyrics

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