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“friendly...but also suspicious.” - original cast of gutenberg! the musical lyrics

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[doug, spoken]
and that was the opening number!

[bud, spoken]
and the prologue!

[doug, spoken]
we’re just tryna give you a sense of the world…
of schlimmer!

[bud, spoken]
yeah, it’s a tiny town

[doug, spoken]
yes! the kind of town where everyone’s friendly…
but also suspicious!
so you might hear something… like this!

[bud (as barber), spoken]
well, if it isn’t my good friend doug simon
stopping by for a shave and a haircut!

[doug (as a fictional version of himself), spoken]
i sure am, barber!
hey barber, i brought you a gift!
it’s a cupcake!
[bud (as barber), spoken]
oh, why thank you…
this cupcake is poison!

[doug (as a fictional version of himself), spoken]
i can’t stop k!lling!
(no longer in character)
so, as you can see, schlimmer’s the kinda town where anything can happen!
and now… we start the story!

scene two
gutenberg’s wine press shop
the roof is made of dirty thatch
there are shelves filled with old wine bottles
and helvetia, a beautiful german girl
with blonde hair and beautiful br**sts
stands in a bucket, stomping on grapes
gutenberg enters

[bud (as helvetica), spoken]
h*llo mr. gutenberg

[doug (as johan gutenberg), spoken]
why can no one in this town read?!

[bud (as helvetica), spoken]
we have nothing to read
[doug (as johan gutenberg), spoken]
i see
that is the problem
i’ll be in my wine pressing room
pressing wine

[bud (as helvetica), spoken]
here’s your stew
i made it hot and ready

[doug (as johan gutenberg), spoken]
well, thank you… um… barbara?

[bud (as helvetica), spoken]
helvetica!

[doug (as johan gutenberg), spoken]
helvetica! yes, yes!

[bud (as helvetica), spoken]
yes!

[doug (as johan gutenberg), spoken]
thank you

- original cast of gutenberg the musical lyrics

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