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original butterscotch confection - open mike eagle lyrics

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[busdriver]
all my n-gg-s with vulcan ears
are auctioneers for these tape deck airlifts
while these thuggy rugby playing huggy bears
rally for same-s-x marriage

[open mike eagle]
they’re having children out of wedlock after latex tearing
leaving their honorable families disgraced
embarr-ssed

[busdriver]
they rap in gaelic hair care tips and run sh-t like a legless heiress
wait, what the f-ck am i saying?

[open mike eagle]
the pen’s pregnant
it’s waddling with its ankles swollen
about to give birth to what should have been the bangles’ opus
it’s a bouquet full of faded roses
but tighter than lederhosen
when german tanks invaded poland

[busdriver]
but not as tight as the acceptance speech
that i gave the thankful mole men
as i’m crowned king
i’m yao ming under the turntable molding
i’ve got the s-xiest job
espionage and fandangled coding
as i lie to millions like dan rather

[open mike eagle]
well, f-ck it
i’ll be a dance rapper
fastening my pants backwards
rambling about franz ferdinand and franz kafka
for spittin’ it nice
i’ll give you advice like ann landers

[busdriver]
and from me you shall be handed lanyards
before you’re picked clean
your haircut’s 16 when you’re obviously 36
gravy drips on your pancreas in my serving dish
cause i don’t approve bookings of s-xual chocolate’s front man
i crush his glands to the size of a hershey’s kiss
in a cursing fit

[open mike eagle]
we get down like treasure hunters unearthing sh-t
nasty as heather hunter’s leather covered nursing t-ts
writing with feathers from buzzards on weathered rubber
and these cheddar lovers suck
cause they’ve yet to discover thirsty fish

[busdriver]
mother f’ your puckered p-ck-r when you’re dressed like sgt. pepper

[open mike eagle]
this larkish feather writes the largest letters on the parchment ever

[busdriver]
cut the cheddar stutter-stepper and i’ll glue your stuff together

[open mike eagle]
stuffin’ letters cussin’ cause i like your mother’s m-ffins better

[busdriver]
see you’ve been outted by the unexcitable diploma earner
sojourner truth’s afterbirth hanging off of some chola’s cursor click

[open mike eagle]
we stick together like frozen burgers
the sh-t we spit is original as the oldest
werther’s b-tterscotch confection

[outro: busdriver]
man these fools can’t even rap half as tight
i be going to their funerals blowing bagpipes, aha
fool, i’m twice as dope, i’m longer than an isotopes half-life
get it, cause i’m long, i’m long, i’m long
either my shlong, or my career, ugh
yea, i’m a cypher eradicator, no i’m not
too old for that sh-t, too old for that sh-t
so i got to go on with it, rapping…

- open mike eagle lyrics

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