from a cutlass cruiser - okkervil river lyrics
what a day we had
i figured i’d be feeling bad, but i don’t feel a thing
they read from mark and bring us all up shingle camp hill road
throwing flowers at the ground felt like hours
with the grown-ups whimpering
in the blown-out green of spring i see the whole small town explode
driving to our house at night
the stars shoot out their shine behind the olds windows
my father quiet behind the wheel
i fully feel that he knows where he’s trying to go
and then they carry me inside
this other world behind my eyes, this bright-lit neon glow
and then it’s morning everywhere, and summer air, and there’s the stereo
“the electric company” was playing when my mom left me five minutes on the couch
and i was blue when she came out, and wasn’t breathing
that opel flew through town
all down 120, and around the lebanon green, and out
i don’t know what they were thinking about
and i don’t want to imagine it
in came the doctor, wearing white
carefully, he cut a circle in my throat
and took a little plastic tube and looped it through my lungs and sealed me closed
my parents called into the room
with no idea what to do but frightened to say so
they showed them how to clean it out, and showed them how to set me down, and sent me home
1983 — the apparition came to me and spoke to me all night
frozen inside my bed, bone-white, my brother fast asleep
and, under surgery, a second time it came
showed me a house in outer space
another boy who had my face
a mom and dad who weren’t the same
i woke up and my aunt gave me a book
show me the neatest place to hide, to crawl inside the silver gym
don’t tell a single other soul
beneath the bleachers is a lighter, and a sneaker, and a frozen sparrow
i broke into the church at night and pulled out all the stops and heard that organ overload
and screamed, “this giant clashy chord is for our lord. up where he is. up where he goes”
up that music floats
leaving family, friends and home down so small below
and it’s still there, for all i know
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