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happy birthday - not nearly lyrics

i said f*ck the future, now i’m living in the past
never thought i’d last long enough to face the facts
suspending disbelief, inhaling inspiration
wondering why i’m anxious, answering my own questions
plunge the depths with this pen, ink bleeds under my skin
infinity sign tattooed on my wrist
to remind me that i’m never getting out of this
self*defeating cycle, hating everybody’s happiness
i’ve gone nowhere slow, failing dramatically
washed up, too old, guess someone has to be
just goes to show some follow and some lead
next year just know i plan on dying in the spring
say you’ll live for me, bleed for me, die for me
next year just know i plan on dying in the spring
made a straight line for the pharmacy and put myself to sleep
carefully cutting flat lines
(my brain says it wants to die)
planned out my perfect exit, never had the guts to leave
chose to call the hotline
(i can only fight it for so long)
carve out your tongue, i’ll lend an ear
keep singing those same old songs n0body wants to hear
happy thoughts k!ll slow like cancer, keep your head up
maybe you’ll get lucky someday, yeah, good f*cking luck
i can’t make it go away, death feels like the only way
don’t look back, don’t be afraid, nothing matters anyway
cross your eyes out
clench your chest, spiraled thoughts, bated breath, can’t keep up
what have i done?
make it stop
happy birthday to me, getting older but we’re still young
drowning in regrets like a baby in a bathtub
and hoping there’s no heaven so i never have to wake
get dressed and face the plight of another f*cking day
gone nowhere slow, and failing dramatically
washed up, too old, i guess someone has to be
just goes to show, some follow and others lead
next year just know i plan on dying in the spring
say you’ll live for me, bleed for me, die for me
’till we’re old and gray and thoughts of death are comforting

- not nearly lyrics

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