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clouded - nik yato lyrics

[verse 1]
ay, uh
i was 14, trynna turn dreams into reality
i saw my own path and followed it without a cavalry
but nowadays i’m feeling lost, inside my own head
think i might’ve paused, think i might be dead
but i still see my breath in the mirror
not a ghost nor a god, reflection couldn’t be clearer
but there’s cracks on the glass of my picture frame
have i changed, do i still remember my name?
or is it clouded?
[verse 2]
like my vision from the start of this
am i compassionate or just heartless?
book a flight to jakarta that’s where brian lived
my idol’s 22, d*mn my brother’s older than you
but i still keep both names in my mind
one pushed me to create, other loved me my whole life
so i write out a page or two
i can’t forget who i am
keep it humble cos i know who i’m related to

[verse 3]
curious as a child
experimented with every single thing that i could think of
didn’t care about the results, good or bad
just wanna grow my hair, monster in my hand
don’t bring that energy around here
i’ll knock your t**th out
clean house then i go sleep between bouts
motherf*ckers wanna try me now
i’ve been to h*ll at 16, y’all can’t knock me down

[verse 4]
my skin glowing like a firefly
try to b*tterfly through my life
cutting down all the obstacles like a samurai
people trynna vilify me, i just nullify
clouds in my blue sky, i can’t let that slide
and i focus real good, vyvanse and prozac
help to keep me in a safe mood
i ain’t grew up with no silver spoon
but they look the part, if i keep dancing will i get them soon?
[verse 5]
and i’ve been around a lot of broken hearts
some of them have shown me where i should be placing my trust
last year was a wreck
my mind was a mess
avoiding scorpios cos they f*cked my life up with my head
now i sip lemon tea, absolute certainty
there ain’t no vacancy in my heart
cos i got myself a honeybee, and she buzz
graze her lips with my peach fuzz
i ain’t trynna copycat, nah we us

[verse 6]
catch me in olinda sipping mint tea
lately i’ve been feeling like i’m drifting, off
into a place where i’m lost in my thoughts
maybe i don’t know the cost of it all
i just follow my impulses
need to learn to stop that sh*t
my recklessness has affected this part of my life
i’m sick and tired of trying to stay in sight

[verse 7]
i feel like i’m fighting two battles everyday
locked in a state, where i’m just shouting at my brain
don’t know what to say
so i’m just rambling random sentences
i’m so close to the edge that i can feel the air thickening
body going numb, losing track of time
starting to question if my passion really shines
i’ve been rushing all my life
i need to slow down, take a break and breathe before the next line
[verse 8]
but i’ve been using puff bars, that ain’t good for my asthma
popcorn lung, hope it don’t turn to cancer
i’ve been trynna cut it out
i don’t want a cotton mouth
but this sh*t’s engrained in my culture
hoping i could reach the brass rings someday
right now it seems like i’m just stuck in replay
my first choice counted
maybe my future isn’t so clouded

[verse 9]
i just wanna take a break
maybe chill by a lake
gaze off at the mountains
maybe my future isn’t so clouded

- nik yato lyrics

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