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cursed - nick xl lyrics

ether in my f*ckin soul
my family sees the demons in me when they’re juxtaposed
still ain’t convinced my wounds are bleeding when you cut my throat
been in denial since a child bout my ugly tropes
im stagnated, been in stuck in place for my whole life
ashamed of letting depression win but it feels nice
i picked up rap as a map to follow when insecure
and quickly it turned into another way to act immature
panic attack, panic attack
i had my fair share at school and i ain’t having em back
so i ain’t applying for jobs, sh*t, i ain’t going outside
im doomed to sit here in my room until i roll up and die
im doomed to carry an existence that i know dont mean sh*t
and pick apart opponеnts when i know im broke as it gets
and try to еdge my focus toward bein the sickest there is
on the off chance that i get big and i can live but*

[hook]
i shouldn’t let them figure me out
almost had the words to say it at the tip of my mouth
i don’t want this insignia now
almost found a bit of light until i circled around

i ain’t remotely what the kid me saw adult me as
sh*t if he saw me hed be calling me a pompous ass
im the most insecure person ive ever met at all
but still can’t shake this ego just because it makes a better song
i wonder if my friendships all would be the same
if i could maybe be the face to trust instead of bein blamed
if i never adopted this tough guy sh*t
maybe id be happy and actually someone id respect
and i dont talk to my family now and thats fair enough
cause ain’t no church did me any good, it only flared me up
and i don’t think im scared of dying cause i still ain’t livin
i just think im scared of tryin hard and getting rigid
but lately what im finding is that now this sh*ts a given
everything i try will just be snipped to ribbons
another thing i learned is i ain’t cursed at all
the truth is that i cursed myself on purpose now im perched to fall

- nick xl lyrics

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