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what is a mother? - nfs tyrone lyrics

[intro]
a mom’s job is to love her kids and support them
to raise them and be there for them
tell their kids they love them and tuck them in bed at night…

[verse 1]
but that isn’t always right
my momma told me lies and dated toxic guys
never tucked me in at night so instead i cried myself to sleep at night
but not every night
some nights was no fun, stayed up late wondering how drunk adults would get and get filled with hate then fly into a rage then take it out on little kids who weren’t even eight
fists fly down like a freight train, to me my mom told me she hates
“i hate you” that phrase still sticks in my brain
marinate in my thoughts, so many actions that’s caused
didn’t let me eat dinner, got mad and took my food away
started to scream in my face, told me go to the bathroom and i responded “no way”
beat me with the belt, hollow tips gripping my skin, had to go get my sheets and a pillow, and the bathroom’s where i layed
take my humanity away, will to live deteriorates
for over 3 weeks straight, next to the toilet and sink is where i slept and i ate
mocking my crying everyday, and not knowing my pain, wishing it’d all go away
but don’t forget about the day, when you punched me when i’m on the way
to school and i feel it to this day, fist slugging my chest, knocking out my breath, just stood there and laughed
so on my way to school i went, thinking when will this end
at the table surrounded by who i called friends
the first bell rung then i collapsed, feeling loose in my breaths, hung down is my head
covering all my tears, even when your not around i have fears
because you and your aggression could be around the corner right near
[verse 2]
what is a mom? what is a mother?
h*ll, i don’t even know, you ruined that for me
hurt me and my esteem so bad, like it’s my fault that dad left
went into foster care, and didn’t even care, that i had a new mom, i was cautious and scared
would she act like she was you? negligible to four kids with a man who hard hits
but that’s not the commotion, but there will be commotions, between me and new mom
try not to p*ss my new parents off, but really c’mon
i’m a broken teenager, know what’s right but do wrong
pushing my limits until i push them too far things just happen so fast like a drunk who just left the bar and hopped inside his car put the to the petal to the floorboard took a wrong turn at the right and plowed into a feild leaving him bl**dy and scarred just shaking in place ambulance transport him to the hospital then to rehab he goes trying to get himself clean but he’s haunted by his dreams can’t go to sleep because if he does he’ll wake up screaming and find the nightmare repeating

[verse 3/spoken word]
basically what i’m trying to say is everywhere that i go i i’m reminded of “home” eventually try to forget but wouldn’t you know that everywhere that i go i see you in my eyes and my psychic goes slow afraid of weakness to be shown from my time spent at home although that was long ago it wasn’t so long ago i need time to grow and depart myself from what i’ve known so long as skid row

[verse 4]
my mother wasn’t a mother, the way she abused me and my brothers
i’m reminded of her in my fake home by my pretend foster mother
the resemblance is so alarmingly detailed
like the way that how my little brothers and i used to cry sounds like how a baby and a four year old wails
in this new place that i’m at one mother is short and smaller than her significant other
like how my biological mother used to date guys who were older and taller so over her they towered
i see throughout my time in this part of life i make a connection to my past life how a four year old gets treated that’s exactly how to my mother gave up and conceded with food and punishment such as beatings

[verse 5/outro]
i’ll never get to feel the love of a mother that’s true because of how she reacted to my very existence so i’m going numb lost feeling forever my cup has done runneth over just have do deal with it i’m sorry but a mother is not something that you can reorder or replay on a recorder so for now i just contemplate about what life would be like if i had a stable and loving mother

- nfs tyrone lyrics

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