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the greatest gift - neil bartram lyrics

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[alvin]
“the greatest gift”! a story about alvin and thomas!

[thomas]
alvin and his father lived on the second floor above his father’s bookstore

[alvin]
it was called, the writer’s block * new and used books

[thomas]
one christmas eve, alvin and i made snow angels and watched frank capra’s “it’s a wonderful life”

[alvin]
our annual tradition

[thomas]
then alvin took me downstores to the bookstore. we were eleven

(alvin and thomas step into the past and into the bookstore. it is closed for the night and very dark.)

[alvin]
trust me!

[thomas]
what are we doing?
[alvin]
we’re gonna pick out a book for your christmas present!

[thomas]
cool! which one?

[alvin]
i don’t know… but it’s somewhere in this… mystical place

[thomas]
mystical place?

[alvin]
mystical place!

[thomas]
it’s a bookstore!

[alvin]
no! it’s a… great and powerful force capable of extraordinary feats!

[thomas]
alvin’s father was known for having the uncanny knack of finding the perfect book for each of his customers

of course, alvin saw things… differently…
[alvin]
every day
people come into this bookstore
never knowing it was built on sacred, hollow ground

[thomas]
don’t you mean, “hallowed”?

[alvin]
they travel here from all around
poor souls looking for stories!

[thomas]
where’s my present??

[alvin]
these desperate pilgrims enter this shrine…

my father says:

good afternoon!

or “morning”, as the case may be

i’m the owner of this bookstore!
can i help you, please?
and they say, not right now, sir, thanks a lot
but i’ll peruse the books you’ve got
i’m just looking for stories!

so dad allows them to search the stacks
and they hunt and browse, and they read the backs
but eventually
inevitably
they ask for dad’s advice

they talk a little…

then he gets this look all dazed and queer
and he mumbles things i can’t quite hear

“i see some… maybe something like*”

then
like a shot
he goes right to the perfect spot
and finds their special book
the one distinctive book
the story that will change that person’s life!

(thomas stares blankly at alvin.)

you see?

[thomas]
see what?

[alvin]
this store speaks through my father! he’s a conduit, he’s an instrument… he’s a vessel!

(thomas laughs)

and i am his son! i, too, hear the prophetic whisper of the bookstore spirit! i will now attempt to use my ancestral gifts to guide you to your present!

(alvin begins

silence.)

[thomas]
you couldn’t just get me a model airplane?

[alvin]
shh!

speak to me
n0ble spirit of the bookstore
this is alvin here!

(thomas begins to enjoy this.)

[thomas]
and thomas!

is there something you can recommend
as a gift for thomas, my best friend?
can you find him a story?

(they wait.)

[thomas]
do you hear anything yet?

[alvin]
no… wait!

it needs… something…

it needs… both of us!

[thomas]
what do we do??

[alvin]
now we stand up straight, looking shy and meek

[thomas]
now we stand up straight, looking shy and meek

[alvin]
and we humbly wait for the store to speak

[thomas]
and we humbly wait for the store to speak

[alvin and thomas]
soon, we will hear
the answer that we’re
preparing to receive

[alvin]
now the next part’s not exactly clear
it’s the part where dad gets dazed and queer

[thomas]
i think you nailed that part

[alvin]
i see…

i see…

…i see a guy wearing cardboard wings… coat hanger halo, carrying a bell and a homemade book!

wait!
holy cow!
i know which book to give you now!

[thomas]
well??

[alvin]
you’ll be grateful that i interceded

(thomas laughs impatiently.)

and found the book you never knew you needed

[thomas]
c’mon!

[alvin]
the story that will change my best friend’s life!

(alvin picks a book from the shelf and gives it to thomas

a sudden shift to another story:)

[thomas]
“the adventures of tom sawyer”, by mark twain! a book report by tommy weaver, sixth grade

(thomas addresses the audience and alvin as though they were his sixth grade class.)

i got this book from my friend, alvin. it’s a really good story, but my favorite part is in the pre*face. it goes like this:

“part of my plan has been to try to pleasantly remind adults of what they once were themselves, and what queer enterprises they sometimes engaged in. the author. hartford. eighteen seventy*six.”

- neil bartram lyrics

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