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i was happy here - naturalist lyrics

i was happy here. as long as i can remember. now i’ve disappeared, dissolved into fragments in the air

everyday i listen to songs that remind me i don’t exist. it’s comforting knowing that someday i might be missed. it makes it easier realizing that other people feel like this. i can’t help but to think that this makes me sound selfish

it’s because i’ve lost my faith and it makes sense that i feel this way. it’s because i don’t pray and i’ve just run out of things to say. or all the money i’ve saved that i blow to buy away the pain. i’m just finding something other than myself to put blame

“it’s all going to be okay” that’s what my friends would say. i try to believe them but i’m just looking for an escape

i will never learn to love myself. i just need someone to take care of

and i still get my dinner at the gas station down the street, hoping i run into someone who loves me for being me. so i’ll have another cigarette and pour another drink. smoke away my loneliness and toast to better things. i know that this can’t be the life that i lead, working from 9 to 5, stuck in traffic on i240. so, when i die and you bury me 6 feet in the grave, i want to be buried with all the mistakes that i’ve made and all the selfish things i say and all the times that i was fake. make sure my gravestone reads “look at the mess, look at the mess he made.”

- naturalist lyrics

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