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mr. rogers interviews billy the bassist - national lampoon lyrics

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hi. we’re going to talk about some nice things today. did you know that? sure. some special things for you, and some special things for me too. we have a special guest here today. can you say that? guest? sure, i knew you could. we’re going to talk today to a musician; a guy who plays the b-ss. you know what a b-ss is, don’t you? can you say that? don’t? sure you can.

mr rogers: h-llo. how are you?

billy bob: you think somebody can get me a cup of coffee or somethin?

mr rogers: you’re not used to getting up early.

billy bob: huh … i’m not here yet.

mr rogers: what time do you usually get up?

billy bob: i usually get up when the sun is warm, like 1:30, 2:00 in the afternoon.

mr rogers: i like to get up around 6:30.

billy bob: that’s insane. you’re stupid.

mr rogers: oh.

billy bob: you should sleep late man. it’s much easier on your const-tution.

mr rogers: we’re going to talk about your b-ss and how big it is, and things like that. it looks like a violin, but it’s bigger, isn’t it?

billy bob: it’s a h-ll of a lot bigger.

mr rogers: can you say …

billy bob: violin’s a little wimpy thing.

mr rogers: can you say wimpy?

billy bob: wimpy.

mr rogers: that’s right.

billy bob: little wimpy thing.

mr rogers: i like the way you say that, did you know that?

billy bob: i do now! what the h-ll, you’re easily amused, aren’t you. i say wimpy wompy wambley.

mr rogers: i know what you mean. you know something? i like what your face does when you play. it kind of gets all kind of scwinched up.

billy bob: yeah somebody told me once that my face when i play the b-ss, it looks like some sort of ah ah like big jellyfish or somethin like that, it just keeps movin.

mr rogers: sure.

billy bob: you can never identify what the face is, it’s real ugly sometimes, it’s really weird, looks like a …

mr rogers: sure.

billy bob: fruit or somethin.

mr rogers: tell me some of the things you think about when you’re playing, some of the images. because of course when you’re playing i thought about things like sheep and things like that, little candies, fresh little candies and things like that. do you think of those things too?

billy bob: oh, i basically think about my financial situation. i count every like beat that i play when i play, and i figure how many notes i give in into the sp-ce you know …

mr rogers: uh huh. sure.

billy bob: out into sp-ce for how much i’m gettin paid and i am workin’ cheap.

mr rogers: must be hard to sort of struggle to get your band together.

billy bob: oh man, especially when you be liftin piano man. that is the worst. i worked as a mover for two years while i was first gettin the band together and also i also made pizza.

mr rogers: but now you’re making music so the story sort of has a happy ending, doesn’t it?

billy bob: uhh, it’s yeah it’s sort of a happy ending. we just got the shaft from a record company that promised to pay us a certain amount of royalties.

mr rogers: oh that’s too bad.

billy bob: they said all sorts of stuff when into pre-production.

mr rogers: that’s too bad.

billy bob: they be chargin us for typewriters, they be chargin us for … stamps they say. how much is a stamp? you know? i’ll buy the god d-mn stamp.

mr rogers: sure. i know what you mean. well i’m sure a lot of people our there would like to know how a big, strong guy like you who plays the b-ss so well gets to be so strong, what he eats to be like that. can you tell us that?

billy bob: well i eat a lot of garbage food, but i mainly subsist on stuff like sandwiches and tins of tuna, chicken … something like that from a change store … soda.

mr rogers: do you ever have egg mcm-ffin?

billy bob: sometimes, either that or cheese prainish.

mr rogers: can you say egg mcm-ffin?

billy bob: eggam-ffin, yeah.

mr rogers: well i know what i’d like to do now. i’d like to hear you play some b-ss.

billy bob: i’d like to do that.

mr rogers: well, we’re going to go to the magic kingdom.

billy bob: oh no, it’s too early for me. i gotta drive.

- national lampoon lyrics

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