lower (a selfish song) - my fictions lyrics
at the start, i didn’t feel low enough. your bed was unsettling and i was always a stranger. now i’m clawing at my arms, reminiscing to feel something. as far down as i’ve ever been and i can’t stop digging. i want to drag you down. i need you to feel low like me. because i can’t escape, can’t stop burying. but i’ve adjusted well – i’ve come a long way from your holy place. hiding below myself. trying to reach h-ll. but now it’s cold in my bed. i’m seeking rest. i’m distant again. and it hurts to reflect past midnight in an empty, pitch-black room. the candle burned out – i can smell the smoke as i’m cringing through another painful realization, another night sorting out the truth: telling you that i loved you was just another way i disappointed you. i know that now when i think about avoiding your eyes. i just hate how we died. i didn’t say goodbye. i’m rejecting all my past standbys – no more sympathy for old lies. i’m trading “how could you” for the new: “you did what you had to do”. i lost sight. i pay the price. i’m a dying dog on his way to the shed. staring into the sky, don’t give a f-ck what’s next. i don’t care. i can’t see it
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