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big fat no - mrs. doubtfire original broadway cast lyrics

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[stuart]
can you help me out, mrs. doubtfire?
i think of miranda, well
constantly
i’m a man on a mission
i need a woman’s intuition
do you think that she
feels the same about me?

[mrs.doubtfire]
no
[stuart]
what?

[mrs.doubtfire]
no

[stuart]
no?

[mrs.doubtfire]
that wouldn’t work at all

[stuart]
i thought i felt the connection

[mrs.doubtfire]
no, no!
no, no!
no!
you’re too tall
and too british
too well chiseled
too brad pitt*ish
no!

[stuart]
are you sure?
[mrs.doubtfire]
no! dear, you’re not her type!

[stuart]
well, i sorta thought i was

[mrs.doubtfire]
if she saw you on the tinder
she’d do a left swipe

[stuart]
i thought that
i could be the sorta guy
that she deserves
give her everything
she never got
from that lame еx*husband of hers

[mrs.doubtfire]
no!

[stuart]
huh

[mrs.doubtfire]
poppet, you’re way off basе
[stuart]
i thought i was reading the signs

[mrs.doubtfire]
well, you’ve read them wrong
it’s just not so!
it’s a big fat no!

[mrs.doubtfire, spoken]
miranda is still in recovering from her divorce dear
give it time
a decade maybe?

[stuart]
but i just can’t contain it
i simply adore her!
i’d do anything for her!
that’s the honest truth
she is someone i think
i could fit like a glove with!
and i think i’m in love with her
and i think she’s feeling it too!

[mrs.doubtfire]
wrong!

[stuart]
really?
why?

[mrs.doubtfire]
could be the way you walk
and not to mention how you sound
when you talk
it’s rather cloying
what’s that word she used..

[stuart]
sweet?

[mrs.doubtfire]
annoying!

[stuart]
no!

[mrs.doubtfire]
yes!

[stuart]
but she said my accent was hot

[mrs.doubtfire]
oh! she didn’t
well that’s the thing about miranda
see, she lies a lot

[mrs.doubtfire, spoken]
like, she probably told you
you looked good in those tight pants
but you don’t dear
two words
moose knuckle

[stuart]
moose* what?

[mrs.doubtfire]
it’s too soon
for you to swoon and prude
she’s not ready, i can tell
and what if dan and miranda’s
flame is re*fanned?

[stuart]
uh, she told me there’s no chance in h*ll

[mrs.doubtfire]
oh?

[stuart]
so
that’s not an option now

[mrs.doubtfire]
oh, really?

[stuart]
and if he thinks it is
i’ll tell him it’s not so
that’s a big fat no!

[mrs.doubtfire]
miranda really said daniel has no chance?

[stuart]
she needs someone to
go dancing through life with!

[gym members]
he’s right on his feet

[stuart]
someone who
will listen
when she needs an ear

[gym members]
he’s a really good listener

[stuart]
someone who
pays attention

[stuart & gym members]
someone who’s
strong but sensitive
and sincere
women like sincerity

[mrs.doubtfire]
but, do you mind?
i think i know what women like
we also like a man with good sense humor
which sorry to say, you don’t have
nothing personal dear
you’re just really boring

[gym members]
no!

[mrs.doubtfire, spoken]
who are you?!

[gym members]
well, he’s an awesome bloke!

[stuart]
aw, thanks guys!

[gym members]
a fellow you could chew
the fat*cracker joke
or have a tea with
guys wanna be
and gals wanna be with

[stuart]
so

[gym members]
so*oh*oh

[stuart]
you say, i’m not that guy?

[gym members]
so*oh*oh

[stuart]
guess, you’d be telling me
that i’m just a fool
for going for it?

[gym members]
ooh!

[stuart]
thanks for the advice!

[gym members]
but he’ll ignore it

[stuart]
i’m holding out hope
should i let that go?

[gym members]
should he let that go!
should he let that go!

[mrs.doubtfire]
i think maybe so

[stuart & gym members]
that’s a big fat no!

- mrs doubtfire original broadway cast lyrics

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