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coastal bend bachelor showcase - mr. fuentes lyrics

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[show host]
h-llo and welcome to the coastal bend bachelor showcase
today we have mr. saul fuentes (pause)
so mr fuentes tell us a bit about yourself

[verse 1]
well i’m a little unpredictable
sometimes straight despicable
but i’m just being me
i ain’t no minion like them other tools
but i always call you gorgeous
call you beautiful
but also be the first to call you out
if you act a fool
but i’m not gonna lie
i’ll let things slide
i can swallow pride
just to keep you by my side

[show host]
ok how would you treat the girl
the next morning after yalls date?

[verse 1 cont.]
well….. i’ll send you the “good morning”
with a smilie face, winky face
stay the night at my place
i’ll make the morning s-x great
well ether that or some french toast
well if we have time i guarantee we’ll do both

[show host]
so what would you say are negative qualities you have?
are you a closet alcoholic? (what?)
do you still wet the bed? (no. what?)
oh wait. we’re not talking about me? (oh….)

[verse 2]
well everyone has bad traits
personally, i know i do
i autocorrect like an -sshole
and don’t mean too
and sometimes
i can be a little obsessive
and other days
i can’t find the time to send a text message
but it’s nothing you did
i’m battling depression
just need little solitude
to prevent some retrogression

[show host]
ok ok anything else?

[verse 2 cont.]
well… i really hope we have a great connection
when we meet, you can be another reason
that i’m standing on my feet
and oh yeah, i really hope that you like to eat
cause i cook my own meals
no chef boyardee, b-tch!

[show host]
(crowd gasps)
whoa, mr. fuentes
(crown boos)

[mr. fuentes]
oh sorry…. b-tch is an acronym
which means…..
beautiful individual that causes hard-ons

[show host]
oh ok
(crowd laughs)
and thing else you would like to add?

[verse 3]
well i’m not an intellectual
seem extraterrestrial
but i’m a human
with a s-x drive
that’s extra s-xual
so we can did it
every chance we get
on the bed, on the sofa
on the table, on the carpet
and oh yeah
my minds filled with puns and dirty jokes
so if you don’t like that
when i ask you out just say “nope”
but i mean… if you do

[show host]
(crowd claps)
ya know hard on is two words, right?

[mr. fuentes]
no it’s not…. it’s ehhh…
yeah… it’s hard … on…
their’s a hyphen in between, duh

[show host]
oh ok

- mr fuentes lyrics

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