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i'll be here missing you - morgan madden lyrics

spiderweb cracks reach out to the edges of my heart, wrap it up in a web
the pieces are so delicately and precariously positioned to form a seemingly whole piece
yet, there’s a big piece missing, tucked in the back, just out of sight. too much poking and prodding, and my heart shatters anew. what i would give to have that piece back! what i would do to have it be whole and stable again!
that’s not a possibility though, is it?
there’s so much that i could stand to learn from you still
those moments that seemed so mundane at the time are now the crown jewels, encrusted and tarnished, of my psyche
you’ve missed out on so much, that i want to be mad at you
“how could you leave us” reverberates through the corridors of my soul
and yet i know the answer already: “she was so sick.” she was sick. her actions were sick
her thoughts were sick
all that i’m left with is the contagion and subsequent inoculation from exposure
your fingerprints are everywhere, but the hand from which they came is no longer here to be held
no longer here to point me in the right direction. no longer here to chastise me
no longer here, period
those eyes that cried so many tears and yearned for better days; those baby blue eyes, so much like mine, see nothing
how i wish i could borrow them for a day to show you around!
how i wish i could have them read this just so that you knew how much you meant to me then and still mean to me now
i can only hope and wish that one day we’ll meet again and i can tell you stories of a life well spent in spite of your absence
i am forever indebted to you for everything that you gave to me. eleven years was not enough
every year on this day, the skies are drabber, the wind blows colder and bites harder than usual
weather reports and optimism of sunny skies do nothing to dispel the annual dreariness of this forsaken february day
the debt owed can never be repaid properly
the pedestal atop which you reign supreme in my memories keeps you out of reach most days
every now and again, you come down to my level and stay with me. those days are my favorite
those days where i can hear the echoes of your laughter from years ago
those days in which i hear your warped voice saying my name so sweetly and lovingly
those wonderful times are now ghosts haunting me, rattling their chains as they swirl about
“this is not real” is their chorus
but this is real!
all of the memories, and tears, and anniversaries are as real as this pen in my hand and this sorrow in my heart
at the end of this day, i’ll still be here eagerly awaiting the arrival of tomorrow
another day to tell people your story
another day to share your lessons
another day to love you as i always have and always will
though i miss you, though i need you, though i want to be mad at you i remember that i am a part of you still here
your blood courses through my veins
your dna makes up my dumb b-tton nose and baby-faced cheeks
i look in the mirror and see you
i -n-lyze how i treat others and see your impact
i’ll love you more than simple words can express
more than tearstained notebook pages can ever show
i just need you to know that wherever you are these days

- morgan madden lyrics

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