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the jolly rancher - midwife crisis lyrics

it was the month before my tour
when i lost my job
and my roommate’s dad just picked her up
a costco box
of assorted jolly ranchers
that left my stomach in a knot
it was then i realized
all my songs are lies until they’re not
with no other food in the pantry
i sustained myself on sugar
eating candy after candy
but i left all the purple ones behind
when i run out of other ones
those will be my lifeline
so i ate more jolly ranchers
than i had in my lifetime
at least it’s better than turning to a life of crime
to support myself in buying healthier snacks
i just gotta hold out til they return my taxes
but the government won’t send me any faxes
til the next time i get paid
so i’ll sit on my hands and wait
by stuffing artificial flavours into my face
i feel disgusting
i’m just fussing
about how my insides are rusting
but the sugar rush is worth
all the candies i’ve been busting
with my t**th
that are wearing down
the rock*hard exterior
we all know the blue ones are superior
i’m broke and i’m starved
but at least i’m surviving
but onto rock bottom
i’m furiously diving
and these evening crashes are driving me
into a deeper depression
even though
sugar treats once were my obsession
sugar treats once were my obsession

- midwife crisis lyrics

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