defenses - mia stegner lyrics
why wasn’t she barking? when she saw you parking?
in the driveway of the house where she and i
spend most of our time alone
why didn’t she growl? why didn’t she cry foul?
when i opened the door and let you inside
an action she usually doesn’t condone
i have spent too many years
thinking that she’ll never warm up to anybody but me
i have spent twenty too many years
living alone, living a lie
i’ve tried to restrain her. and i’ve tried to train her
but no matter what i try, or how patient i am
she’ll never sit and stay
she instills in me fear, with screams that my guests can’t hear
so i’ll be the one to roll over, i’ll keep the door locked
and she tends to get her way
she doesn’t give chances. to anyone who advances
they can roam the neighborhood
but if they dare to get too near
she’ll typically lose it. she’ll look at the lock, and she’ll force me to use it
so we’ll draw the shades, turn out the lights
and wait to sleep til it’s clear
i have spent too many years
thinking that she’ll never warm up to anybody but me
i have spent twenty too many years
living alone, living a lie
i’ve learned there are exceptions to the rule, and for that, i am stronger
but still i wish the list of people she tolerates was longer
and even with her favorites, she’s tried a couple times to change her mind
but hers is no longer the only voice i listen to, because i’m inclined
to listen to you and listen to mine
she only bites and never plays
i’ve trapped her here inside a maze
there’s nowhere else she can go
but maybe she’ll get tired
one day no longer inspired
to stand guard at the window
i have spent too many years
thinking that she’ll never warm up to anybody but me
i have spent twenty too many years
living alone, i think i know why
i have spent too many years
letting the monster who lives with me make every choice
but even if i can’t change her mind
maybe i can still fill up my house and drown out her voice
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