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five ways to kill a toon - mc lars lyrics

intro (mc lars as smart ass):

alright, valiant. i’ve “disresembled” the baddest crew of weasels… with one sole mission in mind: to dip every toon out of existence. but who am i, you might ask?

[verse 1 / lars]:

i’m that weasel with the heart of a dragon with a stun gun
make your body hiccup as i hit you with these dum dums
try me, i dare them, get mickey and tear him
limping like benny, i bang like a snare drum
why? i be on that tom and jerry
dip you like a shoe, paint dripping like a berry
smarty the weasel, remember my name
dethrone the mouse from the kingdom he claims
i got k!llers on my squad, you got goofies
blast you out the sky, i’m a red baron snoopy
oh boy, rodent dip on the menu tonight
‘cause the clock’s ticking down on your copyright
bomb in your clubhouse, runaway brain
not a single hit movie that you’ve starred in, just saying
i’m the toon patrol’s numero uno
holding hands with minnie as she’s crying at your funeral

[chorus]

five ways to k!ll a toon today
in judge doom’s name they play the game
weasels on a hunt, dip in hand
chasing toons from toontown land
mickey, donald, goofy too
pluto, chip and dale, they through
weasels on a hunt coming for you
coming for you
[verse 2 (jt music as psycho)]:

coming after disney is a doozy
but even for a toon, i’m a little loony
looking in my eyes, are you feeling oopy?
because i’m a weasel who can make you woozy
and i’m gunning for goofy, who’s he? soon to be missing
after the acid in which i’m gonna dip him
he’s such a halfwit, but i got precision
in spite of the fact that my dizziest vision
gets straight out my jacket, i’m gonna be ripping
my posse did not give me one bit permission
so a razor is all i got
but when i give you a trim, i don’t miss a spot
like an acme accident, i watch you plotting
frame your ass like you’re roger rabbit
if you’re rooting for goofy in this war
you don’t have a dog in the fight anymore

[verse 3 (schaffer the darklord as greasy)]:

you want that sleazy beastie? easy peasy
i’m the weasel in the green suit, call me greasy
when piggies squeezed me, caught a four year pause
in oz, my cellmate was adebisi
back on the streets, and it’s time for beating
goody two*shoe toons with no rhyme or reason
half expertise and half a lot of luck
now it’s open season on donald duck
i’ma gut him, i’ma cut him open with a switchblade
i’ma handle this one in a quick way
got a towel? blood is coming sick thick, wow
water fowl, who’s a stubborn nitwit now?
i’ll make a pate, but where’s the rest of his body go?
maldita sea la madre que te parió
oh, i’m so ecstatic with the violence and havoc
i’m having, i might just die laughing
[chorus]

[verse 4 (the stupendium as wheezy)]:

hey, who’s that coming through a cloud of smoke?
got that smog in me, honest, the amount i toke
got dogs to out*fox and the hound to poach
gonna rap against wheezy? you’re bound to choke
hey, pluto! one half of a duo!
master leads the cast, but check the past and where were you*o?
overlooked for thirty years, you don’t appear, not even drew*o
only came back in the 80s in our film as a cameo
mute mutt! whassamatta? cheshire cat got your tongue?
what’s the deal, why ya’ keeping shtum?
’cause if you’re a dog – and goofy’s a dog…
why you on a leash? what, you playing dumb?
well, it ain’t gonna save ya’! fine, don’t believe me?
i’ll dip both your b*tches, dinah and fifi
coughing fits as i smoke ’em * now
will your coffin fit when i snub you out?
[verse 5 (mc snax as stupid)]:

stupid weasel, i don’t play
not really sure how i got the name
what’s that? you heard i ain’t the sharpest tack?
well, how about the one on my baseball bat?
chip and dale, my new targets
two for one, that’s a bargain
i’m hardcore, but you’re mick foley
i’ll throw you off the cell into the dip, homie
i’ve never really been one to call out a sellout
but y’all did a reboot after you fell out?
i’m the crook? don’t make me laugh
think i’m dumb? here’s some math
two little chipmunks running
when they see a ’37 dodge humpback coming
five weasels above the law
and that’s 48 reasons that i love my job

[chorus]

- mc lars lyrics

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