humor as violence (demo) - max dirado lyrics
i want to stop being afraid of silence
to stop using my humor as violence
when i was a kid
i was small
i needed to fight
well, you can stop fighting now
it’s alright
and if people find you 20% more boring well that’s alright
you don’t need to be perfect to be loved
you just need to use your eyes
your hands
your head on a shoulder
as if to say:
“i’m sorry you have to fight your fights
… i wish i could put on the gloves and fight for you…
but i can just promise that your fight is not here with me
you can relax
you don’t have to fight me too”
so have you ever been loved
really loved
by the way it’s okay not all of us have
but if you have then you know no matter the smell of your breath in the morning
they will kiss you
smack your ass
and you will laugh even when it’s boring
and you will yawn even when it’s fun
and you will still need your coffee in the morning
and you will still need sunscreen in the sun
and you will still need reminding that you are important
and you will still write in your journal that she’s being a dock
and you will be okay that she is funnier
prettier
smarter
clever
cooler
has a quicker wit
you will not feel insecure
and not feel obsolete
you will feel lucky to give her your seat
as the fun one at the dinner party
and you will be fine in her crowd
and you might sometimes need to hold her down
or shush her when she’s being too loud
or be compassionate to the other side when she is feeling too proud
and let me tell you
when she tells you she loves you
you better not make a joke
you better take a deep breath
and just say thank you
thank you so much
there was a while there where i didn’t think i could ever be enough
you like people cause they’re funny
you like people cause they’re nice
but love is too smart to ever care what you like
you know you love her just cause you love her
accepting that will make being mad at her easier
let her tease you back
whenever you’re teasing her
and you should both want to jump each others bones
and you will hear church bells and laughter in her moans overtones
and you will drive the next morning
and you will begin to cry
for a reason you’d never put to words
but now know exactly why
because life is long and you were mean to old friends
and they are off with some version of you that they are very against
cause you made some mistakes, some you can’t defend
except that your neighbors tied you to a chair and threw snowb*lls at your head
and these characters in movies
and these songs that aren’t yours
become signs from the heavens that you must endure
and you remember running away
you remember crawling on the floor
you remember unrequited love 2 loves 3 loves, so many more
you remember calling your parents and telling them you’re gonna k!ll yourself
so they buy you a flight back to boston and they try their best to help
and her hand on your back
and with her eyes on your dad
your mom says
“i’m sorry you have to fight your fights
… i wish i could put on the gloves and fight for you…
but i promise that your fight is not here with us
you can relax
you don’t have to fight us too”
and you sat on the sea wall of the beach down your street
and you feel the cool wind from the ocean
you feel the sand under feet
and you say that’s it i’m gonna fly back
i’m going to ask those new friends to get coffee
and you do and they say yes and they are big nerdy softies
and they pull you aside and say they like you a lot
and that their house is always open and you should stop by a lot
and they don’t know about boston so they don’t look at your weird
until you forget about suicide and you forget all the tears
and the one you think is cute will show you extra attention
and she’ll put her head on your shoulder
and show you gentle affection and literally says:
“i’m sorry
i can see that you’re fighting
just relax i think you’re funny
and just the right amount exciting
there’s no fight with me
she says there is no fight with me
this party is boring
and i’m hungry
you wanna get a bite to eat?
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