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confessions and apologies - mastamiind lyrics

part i

[verse 1]
not only did you help me through 15 years
man, you gave me life, so every time i get mad and try you
i think about it, in spite of sh-t i went through when i was younger
try to fight the demons, try to fight, get up
i won’t lose, i’m stubborn, but i guess that’s from my father right?
every time that i went through sh-t on a basis
you picked me up from the hole i was in
in my room, thinking i was nothing
a waste of breath, the air was to far to catch
still think about regrets in my head
and it’s worst than if i dreamed i was dead
thank god, i’m not, cause i know how much pain
it would cause your heart, dead in the grave
and i’ll cry at my own funeral, that’s a start
whether from suicide from these thoughts
going on, and i can barely stop, moving
i’m freaking out, and i’m glad that you pushed to me highest
telling me change, but i can’t i’m just honest
as much as i wanna follow the train of a good place
h-ll is the only way, i’m sorry to say it
cause i know that’s were i’m heading
if i was ever not to have no sympathy
that would be foolish, i would help you every time i could
cause i have a heart too, and it’s true
that your the only person i know
what i’m going through, cause i know from school
you were in my shoes, younger and naive
i didn’t what to think, you told me “keep my head high
cause god will look down to see me” and in the end i agree
glad you had a little me, and he will and i know grow up to be
the better me, and follow in my footsteps
where the ground meets, he gave my energy back
cause really, if i was an only child i’d be lonelier
than stray cats, and that’s a fact, so i’m glad
and to be honest, when you said another kid coming after that
i was really wondering what she’ll be like
and boy oh boy, she really is the best
she was the peak, where i felt happy that
i’ll have two siblings to love and care for
and i thank you for that, them only children
get what they want without really needing to ask
but i’d be dead, if i didn’t have them two
because i love em, and there’s no other end to that

part ii

[verse 2]
put all my emotion into a pen, cause not only other people
but you inspired to rap and try try again
this is for you, this is for all sh-t i’ve done in my past
made you wanna cry, made me wanna cry, sh-t we both sad
i’m sorry, for all the things i’ve said
i’m never trying to cross a line and
in my head i know some sh-t was stupid to say
if i just didn’t have heartless thoughts
i’d probably wouldn’t be this way
i’m sorry, for not listening to your word
yelling at you when i was mad
take out my anger on my own mother
i f-cking hate myself, hate my own guts
i hate the sh-t i’ve did, and “i” did it, i know
why, my demons f-ck me up, they flipping like gymnast though
i have an unconfident conscience, meaning it messes with me
can’t stop doing these things
knowing i’ll get in trouble
all this pain is like a brazil bee, it stings
i promise i will change and never cuss at my mother
that one that birthed me, i don’t why the f-ck
i keep forgetting that sh-t, i’m always on some sh-t
i can’t think, what’s wrong am i mentally ticked?
now i realize, why i see disappointment in your eyes
it’s my fault, my body is a war zone, but i wanna fight
i hope you see why i feel this way, and understand my demise
one more thing before this letter ends, i apologize

- mastamiind lyrics

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