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goddamn hiv - mary gauthier lyrics

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my name is michael joe alexandre
i’ve been a queer since the day i was born
my family, they don’t say much to me
my heart knows their silence has scorn
my friends have been dying, all my best friends are dead
i walk around these days, with their picture in my head
spending my time thinking ’bout some things they said
and i don’t know what’s happening to me, godd-mn hiv

and i don’t know what all of this means
i don’t think it means what it seems

we used to party all night ’til the dawn
i can still see the boys with their tight leather on
in the downtown bars, where it always is night
i can hang with my friends and feel alright
i was 30 years old when the sickness first came
and it rode through my world like a wind-driven flame
leaving ashes, memories, funerals, and pain
and i don’t know what’s happening to me, godd-mn hiv

and i don’t know what all this means
i don’t think it means what it seems

when i was a boy, i’d get scared late at night
and my momma would come, and turn on the light
but there’s n0body here with me tonight
and i don’t know what’s happening to me
sometimes at dusk, i walk the train tracks
and i walk and i walk like i ain’t coming back
i look at the sky so endless and black
man i swear it’s swallowing me
godd-mn hiv

- mary gauthier lyrics

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