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the venerable thomas crapper - marty scanlon lyrics

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my name is thomas cr*pper
now won’t you take a seat
inventor of the toilet
my life was pretty neat

you may not know my story
i built the porcelain throne
it makes me flush with pride today
to see one in your home

when i was just a lad and growing up (in yorkshire)
my dear papa he sat me on his knee
he said my son, now you’re a whippersnapper
but soon you’ll be a man, you’ll be a cr*pper

my name is thomas cr*pper
so please enjoy the show
you’ll always think about me
every time you have to go

you may not know my story
i built the porcelain throne
it makes me flush with pride today
to see one in your home

and when i was eleven i set out (for london)
i knew the art of plumbing was my call
apprentice to a plumber, wise and dapper
he paved the way for me to be a cr*pper
my name is thomas cr*pper
now let’s take a poll
results are in and people say
“effective on the whole!”

you may not know my story
i built the porcelain throne
it makes me flush with pride today
to see one in your home

i set up shop in 1861 (in chelsea)
with marlboro works and company by my side
i met a fair young lass, my love did trap her
and she became my wife, my lady cr*pper

*whistling*

the toilet is now used by everyone
all over

in bathrooms, water closets
or the loo
my patents, they did put me on the map, sir

the venerable thomas cr*pper
my name is thomas cr*pper
and here’s the truth my friend

i’ve learned a lot about you

from beginning to the end

now you know my story
i built the porcelain throne

it makes you flush with pride today

it makes me flush with pride today

it makes us flush with pride today
to see one in your home!

- marty scanlon lyrics

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