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javascriptrap - mark dalgleish lyrics

give me the mic
crockford and eich
from netscape to node
it’s been quite a hike

js in the front, rest in the back
ain’t it time you changed your stack?
server-side rendering? that’s just whack
once you go backbone, you never go back

use grunt, it automates your stuff
code it dry, dont waste precious time
amd will make you will feel cool
loose coupling so you won’t look a fool

oncl!ck to require was such a ride
with github my sk!lls have got nowhere to hide
my lack of globals is a point of pride
i’m hitting my stride on the client-side

stop testing ie 6, it’s a trap!
been cr-p since way back, everybody knows that
standards make dev such a snap
and don’t get me started on sp-ce vs. tab

just sit right back hear the ta le
brendan’s gonna make, we cannot fail
we ain’t got three hours, it’ll take ten days
born from scheme and self in a lispy haze

un0btrusive set us free
it all blew up with jquery
now it’s mvc with tdd
ain’t got time for php

and amp, semicolon, the rhymes, i got plenty
i got the sp-ce encoded, fool it’s percent twenty
my var’s locked in closure, that’s dope
ain’t no bleedin or leakin since i’m in the right scope

yo, js is /the/ form
where i code like a storm
free from spaghetti!
fierce like the serengeti
if that bug’s hard to track
console’s got your back

you code in js, but you mixing the types
and always forget the syntax for “splice”
to type “double equal” is like rolling the dice
and you scared to death … of prototypes

it’s time to stand up and get some respect
just go to ecma and read f-cking spec
unpuzzle, unlock it, uncode and decrypt
and gain yourself power of true javascript

you add number to string and string to array
divide it by object (you know it’s ok)
the prototype chain you can see through the code…
it was a great journey from netscape to node

eval is evil and with is whack
f-ck cl-sses you can have em back
this is the generation of floating math
no tail calls in this giant stack

var i, math dot pie in the sky
fly tries to catch zero size
arrays with new prototypes are lies
disguised as wise overrides
prefix with java, ecma, mocha, and live
script all day and all night
microsize your js lines
but dont self minify
above all else, yo, f-ck static types

go async and then you’ll never lookdfdf
(this line will run before the last’s call)dfvdf
back. stop waiting for some slow io
and start using four cores in your macbook pro
dfvdf
fat arrow lambda, func’d the funky
close over this, ya javascript junkie
comma abuse, asi hack
truth-y compare, you’ll wanna redact
dfvfd
bask in the glow, open/close brace
of any indent, insignificant whitesp-ce
arguments array? it isn’t that hard
you ain’t gotta call, captain picard

my macros are sweet, my models aren’t fat
my build script’s complete, unit test – all that
controllers are trim, view models fine
e.c.m.a. – tc-39

functional code, is what i’m rockin’
dot foreach and map, reduce ain’t lockin’
those mutable props, makin’ me sneeze
i think i’m allergic, object dot freeze
while cache clonin’, weakmap for me
gimme some has,own-prop-er-ty
awaiting for no one, renaming a file
async is alright, actor callback style

// maybe close w/
google go code-gen, in fat reams
don’t need no types, or agile teams
slingin’ that node, gimme pipes, gimme streams
gimme that harmony, of our dreams

my code is lean, it ain’t all swollen
i love my braces and my semicolons
its ok now, don’t you be tight-lipped
it’s ok to say you hate coffeescript!

it was all a dream
i used to code vanilla js on the scene
now i got backbone and zepto all up in the ide
js is blowin’ up like i thought it would
new frameworks, but same language in the hood
and it’s all good
so if you dont know, now you know, coders. uh

// finish this rap
hey yo server siders clogging up the rear
stop making it complex, i’m starting to tear
try the frontend, that’s where it’s at
power to the coders, got nothin’ to catch

semicolons yes, semicolons no
semicolons no matter how we roll
love love love love semicolons love
hate hate hate hate semicolons hate

- mark dalgleish lyrics

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