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email legends - marilyn rucker lyrics

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i check my email every morning
i’ve been doing this for months religiously
i like to keep up with the real news of the world
not covered by the media conspiracy
like that little boy who has no head
who needs you to send him all your straws
his mother sticks them down his neck at suppertime
cl!ck his website. watch him suck applesauce

chorus:

you know i wouldn’t kid you
i heard it from a friend of a friend
he’s a lawyer and a doctor and a priest you know
he’d never spread an email legend

ii

so here’s a list of stuff you use everyday
that will k!ll you if you don’t change several things:
antiperspirants cause alzheimers
bras cause cancer
so do maxi pads* the kind with wings
and nutrasweet will melt your brain
especially if you drink it in coffee
and tampons are full of asbestos and dioxin
so if you have to use one
try not to breathe

chorus:

you know i wouldn’t kid ya
i heard this from a friend of a friend of a friend
she’s a doctor and a teacher and a cop
you know she’d never spread an email legend

and if you like to go out drinking
keep your guard up on your kidneys
cause if you pass out drunk
your so called “friends” may cut them out
and sell them to unscrupulous m.d.’s

and if you listen all the way through this song
and forward the lyrics to fifty friends
honda will send you a free car
it’s true!
your choice of a hyundai or a mercedes benz!

you know i wouldn’t kid you
i heard this from a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend of a friend
they’re all veterinarians and notary publics and plumbers
you know they’d never spread an email legend

tag:
sound to good to be true?
cl!ck here for more details
bill gates will pay you a nickel every time you do
it’s true!

- marilyn rucker lyrics

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