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the virgin diet (how to have fun losing weight) - marc gunn lyrics

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i’ve noticed a trend with knights young and old
counts, dukes and even king henry i’m told
their waists they are growing to sizes ten fold
now i see me a chance to make lots of gold

so i wandered the world from england to france
climbed up high mountains, endured gypsy trances
to find a bold diet at the tip of a lance
but dragons were wisest with their eating stance

of all the creatures under god’s golden sun
dragons are healthier than every one
so i interviewed dragons about their sweet fun
that keeps them from weighing much more than ten tons

they sometimes eat cattle but only when spurned
they sometimes eat crops but only when burned
they drink lots of water after it’s churned
but the virgin diet is the secret i learned

virgins 1*2*3
virgins to live healthily
if you’re on a diet then listen to me
eat virgins and live like a dragon you see

virgins 1*2*3
virgins to live healthily
eat virgins when you diet, you’ll see…
yes. virgins are firm and succulent sweet
they have no diseases so they’re healthier to eat
fewer calories are found in a virgin than a fleet
and strangely they’re filling so you won’t overeat

plus, virgins are small and difficult to catch
they hide in small caves and run very fast
this exercise makes them quite a fun match
so keeping off weight is like mending a scratch

so i invented a diet sir atkins will crave
just eat plenty virgins and soon you will stave
off your foul hunger, no longer a slave
your appetite filled with the hand that you wave

the one problem now is the dragons are p*ssed
the virgins are vanishing into the mist
they are gaining weight and here is the twist
their blood pressure’s so high they die hand over fist

- marc gunn lyrics

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