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trapped in the cupboard - madtv lyrics

(an urban opera)
it’s early in the mornin’
i’m just wakin’ up
got a rumble in my belly
i am r. kelly
voice calls out, “hey, baby.” my woman comes in the scene
i think, “ooh, d-mn girl, i wish you were 13.”
she says, “i fixed you eggs and bacon
for your mornin’ wakin’.”
she says, “i love you baby, last night i wasn’t fakin’.”
i say, “hey listen up, i got to keep it real
this food sure look good, but b-tch, i need my cereal.”
so i put on my clothes
i can’t believe these ho’s
into the kitchen i goes
b-tch, i need my cheerios
and i’m so mad that i can hardly sing
i says “what?” she says “what?” i says “what?” she says “i didn’t say anything.”
so you just wait here, i’ll get it my own d-mn self
the box is just where i left it, right on the middle shelf
she asks, “what about your cinnamon bun?”
that’s when i pull out my gun
“what’s goin’ on in here? i’m gonna get to the bottom of this one.”
so i go to the cupboard
she says, “don’t go to the cupboard!”
i say, “why? what’s in the cupboard?”
she says, “i didn’t say anything about the cupboard.”
i say, “why are you in front of the cupboard?”
she says, “oh, is this the cupboard?”
“girl, you know that’s the cupboard.”
and that’s when i open the cupboard
and my box was empty (empty empty empty)

(chapter 34)
well, here i am at the grocery store
got my cheerios and some milk to pour
i used to get 2 percent, but now i’m gonna try soy
i need my proteins, i am a growing boy
the woman in front of me got all these coupons
i said, “b-tch, do you really need five cents off that grey poupon?”
the cashier says, “hey aren’t you?” i say, “yes, keep it down.”
he says, “mc hammer!” i say, “i’ll bust you in your f—- mouth.”
he says, “chill out, man. there’s no price in my hand
i gotta do a price check, and i know, mr. hammer, you’ll understand.”
i said, “the two for one? what’s wrong with this place?
should we handle this the christian way? i’ll shoot you in your f—- face!”
then he looked at me
and he screamed “security!”
i said, “oh brother, please! cereal is all i need
see, i went to my cupboard.”
he said, “don’t start with the cupboard.”
i said, “you shoulda seen my cupboard.”
he said, “i don’t have time for all that, i’m a grocery store clerk, not your therapist!”
so i called up my lady
said “i’m comin’ home, baby.”
she said, “do you miss me?”
then i heard the rice krispies (krispies krispies krispies krispies)

(chapter 189)
so i’m drivin’ home, i just can’t understand
she didn’t buy my cheerios, she bought her own brand
i’m about to go o.j. y’all know what i mean
i raced home in a prop car in front of a green screen
i bust in the house. she says, “i know what you’re thinking
that snap crackle pop you heard was pop rocks and c0ke that i’m drinking.”
“ho,” (’cause all i could say was “ho”)
“then what the f— are rice krispies doin’ in this bowl?”
i said, “that’s it, i’m gonna end this video.”
and then the door bust down and in busts the po-po
i said, “hey officer, what’s the problem you people?”
he cited three times today i pulled my gun on innocent people
i made a dash for the cupboard
tried to hide in the cupboard
he pulled me out of the cupboard
i said, “officer, you can’t take me away because i have six more videos to make to complete my urban opera.”
so here we are now at the end of the story
and i’m goin’ to jail, this time not for statutory (tory tory tory tory)

- madtv lyrics

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