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honeydipper dan - madtv lyrics

(spoken intro)
[announcer]
and now it’s time for american folklore theater

[fess]
h-llo, and welcome to american folklore theater. i’m fess weiss. tonight, you’re gonna hear the story of a long-forgotten american hero, honeydipper dan. long time ago, when our land was young, livin’ was hard. man had to draw his drinkin’ water out of a well, hunt his dinner in the heart of the forest. when it came time to relieve himself, he had to do it in an outhouse. trouble is, them outhouses’d get full up, and somebody had to empty ’em out. well, that somebody was honeydipper dan

(song)
[male singers]
honeydipper dan
honeydipper dan

[fess]
honeydipper dan was twenty feet tall
and when it came to honeydippin’, he was bigger’n ’em all
a giant of a man, strong and fit
and he wasn’t afeard of handlin’

[male singers]
honeydipper dan
honeydipper dan

[fess]
well, his honeydippin’ ladle was the liberty bell
and a redwood clothespin kept out the smell
his hat was a mountain where billy goats played
and his big giant boots had to be specially made

well, other honeydippers, they would wear gloves
but not for ol’ dan, this was somethin’ he loved
he whistled as he worked, a credit to his species
riddin’ this country of big mounds of

[male singers]
honeydipper dan
honeydipper dan

[fess]
folks knew he was comin’, you didn’t have to tell ’em
the ground’d shake, besides, you could smell him
he’d find him an outhouse and, armed with that scoop
he’d pull off the roof and shovel out

[male singers]
honeydipper dan
honeydipper dan

[fess}
his life was a dream, and no one could spoil it
till some city sl!cker went and thought of the toilet
with a flush, it was over. dan’s heart broke in two
what was a honeydippin’ giant to do?
he laid down his ladle and just disappeared
but legend has it, i know this sounds weird
but late, late at night, put your ear to the can
and if you hear a whistle, it’s probably

[male singers]
honeydipper dan
honeydipper dan

(spoken outro)
[fess]
join us next week, when we sing ya the story of another great american folk hero, mississippi maxine pad, and how she plugged up a dam and saved a village. in the meantime, i’m fess weiss. good america to ya!

- madtv lyrics

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