*half ok, half not (remix) - lsp1 lyrics
[verse 1: lsp1]
everytime i try to rap, it comes out damaged
dear lord, i got questions and i need answers
trying to understand your vision on my life but all i’m seeing is damage
maybe i can pick up a pen and rap about all the pain in my life
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
i can’t talk about anything or it will be causing some pain
i can’t write about the time that my mother had a baby
coming, and then it died
i lost a little brother
well, now i’ve got a little mother who thinks it’s her fault
it’s never your fault, even if you’re in a cult
you may be doing your life away, but you’re doing it for a reason
no, it’s never just for a reason
it’s just for a treason
this season, we have lost so much people to death
i can’t think of all the bad things in my mind
i’m an *rs*hole for not going to your funeral
maybe now, i’ll just have to tie a rope around my neck and jump it ’til it pulls me to death
[chorus: lsp1]
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
i got these scars and pain
my life has gone down the drain
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
it’s a c*nt of a life
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
i got these scars and pain
my life has gone down the drain
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
it’s a c*nt of a life
(maybe i’ll find a way to avoid all the pain)
[verse 2: lsp1]
i’ve lost a little brother
but i also gained another
just for him to die before i got to meet ‘im
i’m always rappin’ ’bout the sh*t that doesn’t affect me
and i’ll take a seat, let me tell you the story of how my rapping came to be
i was bullied, belted, tormented
and picked on at school
until i turned to rap just to feel safe
and now, i don’t care if i can never find a date
because rap is enough for me
i’ll show you why i am lsp1
it’s because i’m not ok, and in the end, it doesn’t even matter
those were the words of chester bennington years before his death
i looked him in the eyes, and now, i can’t take anything back
[chorus: lsp1]
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
i got these scars and pain
my life has gone down the drain
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
it’s a c*nt of a life
[verse 3: toxi]
it was mid*day, you just wanted to end the term
get your friends, now they hop in, will you confirm?
slam the door, burn*ing through fuel with no concern
after your first turn, it took a turn for the worst
fast forward, you havin’ thoughts and dreams of lettin’ it end, boo
now your lawyer and your homies sayin’ they can’t defend you
but when you break down, now they saying they ain’t intend to
how you ‘posed to stay sane when you feel this world has turned against you?
keep strong makiah, and marcus, forget the trinkets
we’ve been tryna visit, but pandemic’s placed its limits
plus these spirits, feel like they just getting smarter
compton, you ain’t rotting, keep the faith, you’ll be out there soon, promise
i cherish and care for my childhood a lot
it’s why my motto’s always been never forget your roots
it’s what i was told as a sevie, now i stick to a plot
’cause i know my family, even right down to the boots
truth is i miss y’all, tired of the missed calls
only see your face nowadays pictured on this wall
system is a b*tch, lost my brother and my sis
all i wanna see is you two back at the 6 (oh), like chris paul
stress is piling up, tell me how i’m ‘posed to deal with?
say i dropped the ball, it wasn’t mine to begin with
had some new hobbies, used to squeal and
now nothin feels the same, guess i’m half ok
yeah, it’s half halfway, that’s my love for this game
’cause that unreciprocated love is all this is
my nose still has this mark, this beat done light a spark
i swear i would’ve been done with rap, but this beat solved it quick
follow me in the dark, i still got love for mar*cus
lyrical k!ller, man, this heat went and dissolved your stick
if you disappear with no remarks on my charts
that’ll make everything worse, then i’ll just reflect this message in my verse
the truth is, that i’m
[chorus: lsp1]
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
i got these scars and pain
my life has gone down the drain
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
it’s a c*nt of a life
[post chorus: toxi]
yeah, yeah
it’s a c*nt of a life, only got me feeling kind of alive
[verse 4: lsp1]
i watched all my idols die right in front of my eyes
it’s surprising i’m not gonna be next to die
i can’t get anything right
no wonder why people call me a mumble rapper
no wonder why people call me a f*ckin’ clapper
i don’t think you know what the sh*t i go through
behind the scenes, my dad and step brother would f*ckin’ torment me
poke fun at me, just because i wanted to rap
i just wanna put my town on the map
sit my future kids and my wife on my laps
but now, i can’t do that ever again, now, thanks to you guys
and it’s always gonna be your fault
maybe i can find a way to avoid all the pain
[chorus: lsp1]
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
i got these scars and pain
my life has gone down the drain
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
it’s a c*nt of a life
[verse 5: lsp1]
i’m living in an episode of my life that i’m forgetting to close
i just wanna be able to rest without people judging me for being a
13*year*old rapper who wants to rap
i don’t wanna have to diss a clapper
but i had to end you like a turkish person ends turkish delight
my brother is like an executioner
that’s not a diss, i just wanted to miss and now
how about i kiss this rap scene goodnight?
and now it goes without saying, this is my last recording
’cause if you’re hearing this now, it means i must’ve done it
first off, i really need to tell you just how much i’m sorry
i know the news of my death is gruesome and hard to stomach
i’m sorry too, for those who end up in the bathroom
scrubbin’ up the mess, i guess i was clumsy
the sh*t was far too bl**dy
plus, the blade, it was blunt and it couldn’t cut in properly
i was such in a hurry, as close, i can’t out run it
i’m not gonna be able to help you when you need me
i just wanna be able to live life
without being hated all the time, i just wanna love life
and now i’m gonna charge at the world to save myself
and if i can’t, then i’m not ok
[chorus: lsp1]
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
i got these scars and pain
my life has gone down the drain
i’m half ok, but i’m also half not
(it’s a c*nt of a life)
[verse 6: lsp1]
i’m never gonna be able to let go of anything
ever since i was a kid i’ve felt felt this way
the black sheep, i can never rid myself of any hate
some say it’s a mental disease
well, i just pray that i can make it to the end of the week
it’s like i only find happiness when dead or asleep
maybe in time, it’ll get better for me
but it forever repeats
it’s like i’m on a search to find my inner peace
and the fact, i know it’s never there, it’s k!llin’ me
and now, i know i’m gonna have to fight to survive
but i’m not ever gonna believe you
i may be half ok, half not, but i’m 100% there for you
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