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the tale of raskolnikov and marty mcfly - logan whitehurst lyrics

“once upon a time, raskolnikov the sullen and guilt*ridden protagonist of dostoevsky’s novel “crime and punishment” decided that the burden of anxiety, self*loathing and shame he carried over his murdering of a p*wn broker and her sister with an axe, was too much to bear. he signed up for an inexpensive dance class to take his mind off of things for a while.”
[a page flip can be heard]
“on his very first day, he met a plucky young fellow named marty mcfly. marty was a be*snickered time traveler who was in the process of learning russian dance. he had already mastered all of michael jackson’s moves, and felt it was time to expand his terpsichorean repertoire by attending a dance class in fictionalized nineteenth century russia. his access to a fictional time*machine in the form of a flying delorean had facilitated his attendance at this course. immediately, raskolnikov took a platonic shine to young mcfly. he began having strange waking fantasies of a mutually exclusive friendship where*in he and marty reached a pinnacle of interpersonal understanding so rich, that he was able to confess his murders, and thereby absolve himself of his overwhelming sense of guilt.”
[another page flip can be heard]
“late one night, after arousing unofficial practice of the traditional [?], raskolnikov intended to confess his sins to his dearest friend and finally resolve his internal turmoils. when he approached marty’s apartment however, he could see outlined in silhouette against the drawn sash of marty’s living room window, the distinct image, of young mcfly playing xbox with billy jayne, well*known co*star of the 1990’s television series “parker lewis can’t lose.” raskolnikov, overcome with grief, returned to his lonely dank apartment where he briefly considered murdering marty by shooting him to death. luckily, he didn’t own a gun or no where to acquire such. thus, raskolnikov sank a little deeper into his personal abyss of angst and despair.”
“the end.”

“the sullen and guilt*ridden protagonist of dostoevsky’s novel* blargf”

- logan whitehurst lyrics

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