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monkeys are bad people (1999) - logan whitehurst lyrics

hey, daddy!
haha, yes, son?
i found a monkey, could i keep it?
god, no, son! get that monkey out of here!
why, daddy?
whyyy? heh. let me explain, son
there comes a time in every young man’s life when
he needs needs to be coaxed out of his womb of innocence (womb of innocence?) ah, just sit right here, son
your mother and i have been talking, and we think it’s time you learn the truth
daddy, you’re not back on the medication, are you?
son! underneath all that cute and cuddly human*like veneer lies the seed of evil…
but why do you have to sing, daddy?
i know the truth hurts, but listen up. here’s why you can’t have that monkey:

monkeys can’t be trusted with your business
they’re sneaky and dishonest through and through
monkeys can’t speak english, so they can’t tell the truth
monkeys are bad people, and so are you

add a k to money, you get monkey
monkey may see, but monkey don’t pay his due
the love of evolution has its evil, evil roots
monkeys are bad people, and so are you

but i’m not a bad person*
there comes a time in a young boy’s life where he must hear the awful truth
it’s just a monkey!
king kong was a monkey too big to be kept in a zoo
which is not a bad thing, cause he liked to fling
thousand*pound fistfuls of stinky old king*kong poo

that’s disgusting, daddy
quiet now, here comes the harmonica solo*

think about the future/what if charlton heston is right
if the monkeys take over, we’ll be their slaves
and, frankly, the thought keeps me wide awake at night

daddy, you’re watching too much television
son, you better be careful, or that ape will brainwash you

monkeys make amore out in public
providing little children with a view
they’re lewd and they’re indecent and there’s nothing we can do
monkeys are bad people
monkeys are bad people
monkeys are bad people and so are you

okay, look. i’m gonna keep the monkey in my room. c’mon monkey!
i’m afraid i can’t let you do that, son. give him here, i’ll dispose of him in a proper manner
what, hey! don’t do that!
*various screaming noises*
get him monkey!
my eye!

- logan whitehurst lyrics

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