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story - lil thrombosis* lyrics

[spoken]
there once was a man from wichita
he was named weewooweewoo
he drank a lot of water
and he had very few lizards in his home
one day he thought it would be a good idea to eat lotsa gum
he tried to chew it all
he failed
the next day, he went to petsmart because his aunt works there
she really hated this guinea pig and was like “ew”
the next day, he went to the record store to buy all the lil thrombosis* albums
the cashier was like “k!ll yourself”
the next day, he went to school
the next day, he went out into the yard and flipped over some logs
under a log, he found a lobster, which concerned him, given that he lives in omaha
he decided to take it into his home and feed it to his cat, he then realized his cat walked into the ocean when he was building a fort in the trees at the beach
the lobster scurried away hurriedly while he was remembering the little cat man
after that, he flipped another log
this time, finding nothing
the next day, he went to his local library to eat some books like his pet silverfish does
at the library, he thought about all the decisions he has made in his life
he then went to the pier where he sat down and thought about his dog, which had walked into the ocean a couple months ago
the next day, he tried the gum stunt again, failing, again
afterwards, he walked into the garage and ate some wires because this man, this whole time, was actually not a man, weewooweewoo is a possum, with the mind of a rodent, and the lead pipe in the conservatory
the next day, he decided to end the cyclical nature of his life by eating the packet in the seaweed that tells you not to eat the packet in the seaweed
once he did this, he escaped into the next reality
the next day, he went to the kroger’s, where he was chased out because they don’t accept birds flying around as a form of payment for the chris rock sandwich special
thank you

- lil thrombosis lyrics

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