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interlude - lil' sneezy lyrics

[spoken: lil’ sneezy, rap consultant, & dave]
rap consultant: “excuse me, are you little sneezy?”
lil’ sneezy: “probably.”
rap consultant: “hi, i’m the rap consultant that you hired.”
lil’ sneezy: “what’s that?”
rap consultant: “the…the rap consultant. remember?”
lil’ sneezy: “i have a diagnosable memory disorder, so i’ll just take your word for it.”
rap consultant: “uh, okay. well, my name is…”
lil’ sneezy: (interrupting) “great, so basically i just wanna ascend to rap heaven, but it hasn’t happened yet, so i thought…
[b-ss drop]
rap consultant: “oh, oh jeez! what is going on?”
lil’ sneezy: “i mean, i know i’ve already reached rap perfection, so…”
rap consultant: “it’s too loud…what…(stuttering)
lil’ sneezy: “i think it’s maybe because i’m not moisturizing properly.”
rap consultant: “can you turn the track down?”
lil’ sneezy: “what?”
rap consultant: “can you turn the track down.”
lil’ sneezy: “no, just…just ignore it. it’s in the background.”
rap consultant: “no it is not. it’s very much in the foreground.”
lil’ sneezy: “that’s…i think that’s subjective, really.”
[b-ss lifted]
rap consultant: “aw jeez, that much better.”
lil’ sneezy: “yeah, i’m sorry about that. our producer, he’s like, eighty percent deaf, so…”
rap consultant: “your producer is deaf?”
lil’ sneezy: “only like eighty percent.”
rap consultant: “you know what? just…okay…so rap heaven. that’s a pretty ambitious goal. what kind of budget are you working with?”
lil’ sneezy: “fifty dollars.”
rap consultant: “fifty dollars?”
lil’ sneezy: “in nickels.”
rap consultant: “why would that fact even matter?”
lil’ sneezy: “context.”
rap consultant: “well, if you wanna ascend to rap heaven, you gotta get some more funding for your album. either that, or maybe you should adapt it to an ep, or…”
[b-ss drop]
rap consultant: “oh, jeez! freaking again?”
lil’ sneezy: “again, what?”
rap consultant: “just turn the track down!”
lil’ sneezy: “ignore it.”
rap consultant: “seriously?”
lil’ sneezy: “ignore it like your at the mall with your mom, and she’s making out with her new boyfriend, chad, who’s a total jerk and thinks he’s so cool just because he invested in bitcoin for like two weeks.”
rap consultant: “that’s really specific.”
[b-ss lifted]
rap consultant: (sigh) “listen, if you wanna make a full studio album, you’re gonna need to make some more money.”
lil’ sneezy: “how? by selling out my body as a human piñata?”
rap consultant: “no! what is wrong with you?”
lil’ sneezy: “you sound like my dad.”
rap consultant: “here’s what we’re gonna do. you’re gonna record a trendy, chart-topping single, and we’ll use that to fund the rest of the album. sound good?”
lil’ sneezy: “come on, man. i never make music just for the money.”
rap consultant: “but you can’t ascend to rap heaven if you don’t have enough funding for a full album.”
lil’ sneezy: “i’m not making that song, dog.”
rap consultant: “why not?”
lil’ sneezy: “don’t question my creative vision. i’ve…been blessed by the muses…with…foresight…into…the fifth dimension…of…art.”
rap consultant: “why’d you even hire me, man?”
lil’ sneezy: “to be a yes-man, like the rest of my crew. right, dave?”
dave: “oh you know it, lil’ sneezy!”
rap consultant: “you know what? i’m leaving. best of luck.”
lil’ sneezy: “wait, don’t go. i’ll try it. wait, before we go the next track, i gotta…uh…i gotta read this poetry thing. um…” (clears throat)

[poem: lil’ sneezy]
i remember i wanted to be the best
i was everything i thought i should be
rap perfection
and yet, something wasn’t working
so i tried to evolve, to branch out…

[spoken: lil’ sneezy & rap consultant]
rap consultant: “so you’re copying the whole ‘to pimp a b-tterfly’ thing?”
lil’ sneezy: “pfff…nooo.”

- lil sneezy lyrics

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