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a babysitter's lullaby - lil dimwit lyrics

i wrote this next song to help kids fall asleep when i baby sit
what can i say i’m good with kids

so the next time you find yourself babysitting
here’s a song
for the children

santa’s not real
your parents are lying to you
santa’s not real
what they told you is not true
all of it’s lies
the north pole is just sleet and ice
santa’s not real
listen children and learn to think twice

i’m sorry you had to hear it from me
they fed you lies but now you’re free
you asked me for the truth before
unfortunately there is some morе

as an artist
you suck
your parents lied about that too
your paintings are garbagе
they have no idea what you drew
and your poor little dog
is not on a farm like they said
that poor little dog
they lied
chachi’s actually dead
i know this all is very new but
your parents love misleading you
they’re not pure in fact their spotted
you may have actually been adopted
surprise

legally
they’re required to keep you fed
honestly
don’t trust anything they’ve ever said
and storks don’t deliver babies
it’s something much less complex
the birds and the bees
are mom and dad having s*x

mr. dimwit
yes timmy
what’s s*x
you don’t know about s*x timmy
how old are you
four and a half
okay as soon as i’m done singing i’m talking diagrams, videos, you’re about to become a man

all the things they’ve ever said
they’ve planted lies right in your head
you think you’re happy with your portion
they actually wanted an abortion
what’s abortion
ugh okay timmy
long story short
you’re a mistake and

your parents don’t love you
as much as they say they do
most of the time
they’re annoyed because of you
they dislike your presence
they really love being alone
so when you are older
you should really put them in a home

what’s a home
can you stop asking
fine

it’s not a home like where you reside
it’s a place to put your parents aside
like a hospital but way more sad but
them not dealing with them will make you very glad

it’s the perfect
revenge for not letting you run with knives
they’ll waste away
in the final years of their lives
and you’ll never visit
although you promised you would
you’ll tell them you love them
but it won’t do any good
then they will die
at last they will be gone
you’ll bury their bodies
in a box that worms chew on
then one day your kids
will throw you in a home or a ditch
because you were just like your parents
man, isn’t karma a b*tch

okay goodnight timmy
don’t let the bedbugs bite
those are real
sweet dreams

- lil dimwit lyrics

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