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ex-boyfriend - lil dicky lyrics

[intro]
ayy, what’s going on, man?
it’s your boy, lil d-cky
aka mr leftward-sloping p-n-s
i got a story for y’all, man
peep this
yes sir! a’ight, let’s go

[verse 1]
now i been dating this girl named katie, she hot as h-ll
and her body crazy, v-g-n- shaven and it don’t smell
and i don’t fall for chickens
but this one a little different, body sickening
plus, she really good at making breaded chicken
got me thinkin she the one, man
even fully clothed, shawty really fun man
get a lotta hoes, but none of those come close
i swear this the most that i’ve felt so d-mn exposed
oh yeah there’s one more thing
and i know this sh-t gonna sound insane
but i still haven’t hit it
i admit it, i wish i was kidding
never been up inside before
because she’s only f-cked one guy before
and though i really wanna boink this wh0r-
she my sweetie 3.14
so i’m stayin patient and m-st-rbating
and now my heart is sorta racing
cause she said tonight will be the night we do some fornicating
h-ll yeah, i’m down, i’m ’bout to go all out
i’m gonna pound that crazy, like an elaborate black man handshake
but on the way to crib, we p-ss this kid
and he seem to know who katie is
so i say “who this?” and she say
“d-cky, this is my ex-boyfriend jim!”

[chorus 1]
and i ain’t usually the one to be the jealous type
but as i’m looking at this dude, i can’t believe my eyes
cause he’s the best looking guy that i’ve seen in my whole life
he’s got the thickest head of hair, chiseled jaw, an egregious bod
man, this the closest thing i’ve seen to a grecian god
and now i’m lookin at my chick, cause his d-ck’s been inside her raw (f-ck that!)
aw, d-mn

[verse 2]
man this is crazy
i can’t believe this guy used to f-ck my lady
i bet he left that p-ssy ravaged like haiti
katie’s hugging and squeezing his shoulder blades
and i’m buggin and queasy, this ain’t okay
and then they say, “let’s get drinks” so i say “okay”
even though i was about to get laid!
man this muhf-cker look like ashton
combined wit a lil hugh jackman
in other words, he’s so d-mn attractive
so d-mn tan, he gotta have a little black in him
now i’m in the back wit him, sippin on some ‘gnac wit him
and he payin for it all, he investment banking
i’m acting like i ain’t distracted
but i’m reenacting him and katie bangin’
and now i’m feelin’ p-ssed, so i go and take a p-ss
midstream, i look left and guess who it is
and i had to see, and i was mad discreet
and i got on my tippy toes and i took a little peek
“oh my god becky, look at that c-ck!”

[chorus 2]
and i ain’t usually the one to be the jealous type
but as i’m lookin at his d-ck, i can’t believe me eyes
because he’s got the biggest c-ck that i’ve seen in my whole life
and now i’m starin at this dude’s soft d-ck with a lot of hate
because the sh-t is plus 8 like jon and kate
and i don’t know if i can date my girl after tonight
aw, d-mn

[verse 3]
i don’t know what to do, dude’s d-ck is really huge
i didn’t realize a p-n-s could be so smooth
i know she’s missing that, my p-n-s isn’t that
i’m looking closer, i think that his d-ck has abs
six pack on a d-ck, now what the f-ck is that?
it’s so long and thick, it’s like a punching bag
i’m saying it’s so shaven, head is amazing
got my d-ck looking like a raisin
skin tone insane, man he’s hung like saddam hussein, it’s crazy
what the f-ck should i do?
he gotta ruth’s chris d-ck, and mine’s a drive-thru….
i think it’s time to tell katie my goodbyes
cause i simply can’t survive
after seeing what was in between his thighs
so i tell her

[chorus 3]
“that this dude’s got a d-ck that i don’t comprehend
i had to move my neck to see it end to end
i mean the physics of his d-ck just don’t make any sense
and i think it’s for the best if this comes to an end
because the s-x with him must have been the best
and i would say let’s just be friends
but i think i would just think about his d-ck all the time, so goodbye”
then she told me, “d-cky, i don’t really know what to say
because i dated this dude in second grade
so i don’t know about his d-ck, now let’s go home and get you laid”

[outro]
and then i took her to my crib, and you know that we belly slapped
and i gave her an o like i was selling crack
and when i came, i pulled out and nutted all over her left thigh
and upper mid-section region, you can call that the pelvis
some would even call that the pubic bone
leave the p-b-s at home, making this up on the spot
f-ck you know about it?
i’m about to go papier-mâché my d-ck and ride it
aw, f-ck, i think i just actually said i was about to
make a papier-mâché version of my own d-ck and ride it
and i could understand how that, that could sound g-y
but, like, you gotta realize that i was just freestylin’
so like i wasn’t really in control of what i was sayin’
and, i mean, ’cause it ain’t me, i, i
real rap i am about to papier-mâché my d-ck, i won’t even lie about that
i got, you know, the ingredients is right in front of me like laid out
like, no bullsh-t, newspaper
i don’t even know what the f-ck you would call that sh-t, putty i guess
it’s about to get real s-xual up in here, huh
but i am not gon’ ride it, that, that ain’t me
i mean that’s how i free, it came off the, the, the brain
yeah, you know, if i, if i was thinkin’ that then it is what it is but i, i, i ain’t gon’ act on it
heh, you know what i’m sayin’, i ain’t gonna act on that sh-t
but i am about to put that sh-t on the wall, though
the, uh, the papier-mâché, cast mold of my d-ck, so, there’s that
all right, holla at me

- lil dicky lyrics

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