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the monster still lurks - lightning logan lyrics

[intro]
see, some people might fear girls not liking them back
some people might fear sharks
some people might fear death
but for me for a large part of my life
i feared myself
i feared my truth i feared my honesty i feared my vunerability
and that fear made me feel like i was forced into a corner
i was forced into a corner and there was only one way out
so i thought about that way every single day
i thought about it every single day
and if i’m being totally honest standing here
i’ve thought about it again since
because that’s the sickness
that’s the struggle
that’s depression
and depression isn’t chicken pox
you don’t beat it once and it’s gone forever
it’s something you live with

[verse]
get up every morning
and the monsters still inside of me
i’ve been crying myself to sleep
why is that so hard to see
everywhere he’s haunting me
in my dreams he’s watching me
that’s why i lay awake
honestly ain’t slept in weeks

get up every morning
and the monsters still inside of me
i’ve been crying myself to sleep
why is that so hard to see
everywhere he’s haunting me
in my dreams he’s watching me
that’s why i lay awake
honestly ain’t slept in weeks

hope this sh-t is just a dream
wake up and not feel a thing
see your face right next to me
and smile cause i’m now at peace
i know my mom ain’t proud of me
but i know my dad would be

it’s k!lling me i cannot speak
close my eyes and then i bleed
spiral down the stairs into the palace where he hides
see him in my eye
watching me from the inside
take the knife will i survive
take the step and then i die
i don’t want to be alive
i just want to be alright

it’s okay to get sad
but i’ve been sad my whole life
i’ve always been depressed
always lost inside the sky
always asking myself why
what happens when we die?
is there a jesus christ, or is that sh-t all a lie?

i think it’s all in my mind
i do not believe in time
tell me it’s okay
cause i think that i’m insane
blank expression on my face
but my mind is in the race
watch the blood fill the drain
let’s play a game, don’t cut a vein

staring in the mirror i see the monster everyday
give him what he wants but he will never go away
tell me it’s okay before i take my life today
i don’t want to be alive i just want to end the pain
staring in the mirror i see the monster everyday
i give him what he wants but he will never go away
tell me it’s okay before i take my life today
i don’t want to be alive i just want to kiss the blade

- lightning logan lyrics

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